Oct 31, 2024
Podcast
4 Ways being a CEO made me a better mom
Are you ready to balance the scales of family, career, and personal growth?
In this episode, Tiffany opens up about her journey to creating a sustainable business while cultivating a thriving family life. She shares candidly about her fears, her pivotal moments, and the strategies she employs to manage her multiple roles effectively. With an emphasis on values and systematic approaches, Tiffany also reveals the parallels between leading a successful business and navigating family dynamics.
00:00 Intro
02:28 Being in control is not the best thing
04:04 Different ways being a CEO helps lead a family
10:08 Parallels from building Element Three and my family
13:20 What telling the whole truth does to your relationship and family
15:38 Understanding priorities as a family
21:14 Having clear expectations
27:30 Putting systems in place
Tiffany Sauder [00:00:00]:
If we were chatting, you would have other places where you see your behaviors in your professional life that if you did some of those things in your personal life, could also serve your family to be able to create capacity, move everybody towards their goals so that we can live this extraordinary life. Like, there is a lot of regular stuff that has to happen, but I don't think that that was intended to be all of our existence.
Tiffany Sauder [00:00:31]:
I'm a small town kid born with a big city spirit. I choose to play a lot of.
Tiffany Sauder [00:00:36]:
Awesome roles in life.
Tiffany Sauder [00:00:37]:
Mom, wife, entrepreneur, CEO, board member, investor, and mentor. 17 years ago, I founded a marketing consultancy and ever since, my husband junior and I have been building our careers and our family on the exact same timeline. Yep, that means four kids, three businesses, two careers, all building towards one life we love. When I discovered I could purposefully embrace all of these ands in my life, it unlocked my world. And I want that for you too. I’m Tiffany Sauder and this is Scared Confident.
Tiffany Sauder [00:01:13]:
Today has been a sweet day in our house. It is Quincy’s fourth birthday, and I'm recording a bunch of content, kind of.
Tiffany Sauder [00:01:23]:
Not a bunch, but I'm recording some ahead of time here because Samantha's getting.
Tiffany Sauder [00:01:26]:
Ready to have her baby, which is amazing. And so we're trying to get ahead so that I don't screw things up while she's on maternity leave. So I think this is like maybe.
Tiffany Sauder [00:01:35]:
Dropping in the fall.
Tiffany Sauder [00:01:36]:
But anyways, it's like the sweetest thing. Quincy's little birthday. She's four and I think forever this little girl is just going to remind me that it's just so good that.
Tiffany Sauder [00:01:48]:
There'S some things we don't get to.
Tiffany Sauder [00:01:49]:
Pick in life and that ultimately God is in control. And I just cannot imagine our family without her. It's just wild. And she just brings this, like, sweet, exuberant innocence into our household and I crack up that jar and I here we are in our early forties, and we still have such a little kid that hasn't even started school, and it's just pretty sweet. So anyway, she's just like my little reminder that our plans and what we think we want is oftentimes not what we need. And that little girl is like, sometimes just the face of God to me. So anyways, okay, we're not going to talk about Quincy this whole episode, but I don't know. I just want to share that.
Tiffany Sauder [00:02:27]:
So I don't know what kind of.
Tiffany Sauder [00:02:29]:
Messy thing there is in your life.
Tiffany Sauder [00:02:30]:
That sometimes just needs to remind you.
Tiffany Sauder [00:02:32]:
That sometimes being in control is not the best thing, actually says this high achieving planner who likes things to be very much on the schedule. So, anyways, what I wanted to actually talk about is how being a CEO really helped me become a better. I don't know if the word CEO or COo of my household, and I guess it's probably CEO because I, you know, while I don't alone set the vision and strategy for our family, I would say that I codify it for our family. Junior is more, like, naturally focused towards goals, and I really need the exercise of articulating them, writing them down, verbally managing towards them, and, like, making sure that I don't get distracted.
Tiffany Sauder [00:03:18]:
Those have to be very proactive motions for me.
Tiffany Sauder [00:03:21]:
And junior can more just like, yeah, I decided that two years ago and.
Tiffany Sauder [00:03:24]:
That'S still what I'm doing.
Tiffany Sauder [00:03:25]:
And I'm like, I love that for you, but I can get really distracted with things that look fun, feel fun, whatever, you know, I just can. And so driving towards my goals is.
Tiffany Sauder [00:03:37]:
Something that has to be a very.
Tiffany Sauder [00:03:38]:
Proactive motion for me and, like, weeding out distractions and being really thoughtful about what I'm going to say no to. Those are things I have to have, like, two hands on the wheel around. I'm, like, doing that right now with my hands. I have to, like, hold tight on the steering wheel or it will just sort of veer off the road.
Tiffany Sauder [00:03:55]:
And I feel like junior can drive.
Tiffany Sauder [00:03:56]:
With one knee and he doesn't forget that, like, this is the road that I want to be on. So, anyway, just differences in how we're wired. I wanted to talk about different ways that being a CEO at Element Three or president at Element Three has helped me, I think, lead our family or be just, like, put things in place in our family that have just really helped us continue to get better at operating as a team.
Tiffany Sauder [00:04:22]:
If you had asked junior and I.
Tiffany Sauder [00:04:24]:
Individually, what is the word that we most want our family to feel like?
Tiffany Sauder [00:04:28]:
We would both use the word team.
Tiffany Sauder [00:04:29]:
When we went to marriage counseling and they had pages and pages and pages of words to pick from. We both picked teamwork. That is a key part of the way that we want our lives to feel like, and not just our marriage, but also I want our family to feel like, hey, we're all equal participants in our family and we have different roles that we play, certainly, but we are not only going to, like, run.
Tiffany Sauder [00:04:53]:
After our own goals individually, but we.
Tiffany Sauder [00:04:55]:
Are going to help and be agents for one another so that we can all get done what needs to happen. So I want to talk through some of those things that came forward. I've been pretty open about for the first, I don't know, 15 years, maybe less than that. About 1012 years of my marriage, of being a parent, of being a working mom, of being a leader. I, like, used brute force and working really, really hard, being super diligent and responsible. That was, like, my primary list of ingredients for the way I was approaching life. I was showing up, my hair was washed, and I was working really hard. But I was not being very strategic.
Tiffany Sauder [00:05:41]:
I wasn't being very honest with myself.
Tiffany Sauder [00:05:42]:
About what my priorities were. I wasn't honest with myself about the finite capacity of my time. I just wasn't very good at that. And so I just kept pushing harder and harder and harder and harder.
Tiffany Sauder [00:05:55]:
And I know this is not a.
Tiffany Sauder [00:05:56]:
Unique story to me. A lot of people get to the place where, like, holy crap, I was.
Tiffany Sauder [00:06:00]:
Like, this is, like, really not sustainable.
Tiffany Sauder [00:06:02]:
I cannot do this anymore. And that was what happened to us in, like, 2017, 2018. Like, everything just crashed. Our marriage got hard. My business got way harder. I just kind of lost myself in that season. And so as I started to rebuild, I started to say, like, well, how do I do this differently? Because I can either say no to, like, everything but one thing and at least do that well and have capacity. But I was, like, so terrified I was going to be bored.
Tiffany Sauder [00:06:31]:
I was terrified I was going to be resentful that my, in my head, it would have been like I had to walk away from my career so that I could be a better mom. I had to walk away from my career so that we could have more capacity to invest in our marriage. I was like, I didn't want to.
Tiffany Sauder [00:06:45]:
Have to say no to something. I wanted all these things in my.
Tiffany Sauder [00:06:48]:
Life, but the way that we were doing it was like wrecking everything. And I had to at least acknowledge that was true.
Tiffany Sauder [00:06:56]:
That was a fact.
Tiffany Sauder [00:06:57]:
And so as I was starting to rebuild our business in a way that was more sustainable, that it was systematically set up so that it could grow and it could support new people coming into the organization and they could be successful. It could support people having careers there and not just jobs for a short period of time. We could build a brand that had.
Tiffany Sauder [00:07:19]:
Material impact in the space and community.
Tiffany Sauder [00:07:21]:
That we were playing in the. That we could have financial results that rewarded our people for the hard work that they were putting in and create stability for them. And that's not a forever promise, but they could trust that we were going to be there for them. And we were going to operate.
Tiffany Sauder [00:07:39]:
And as we started to rebuild the.
Tiffany Sauder [00:07:40]:
Business, to be able to help support.
Tiffany Sauder [00:07:44]:
All of those things that were like, these are imperatives of a business. If you want it to be around.
Tiffany Sauder [00:07:50]:
For a really, really long time, which.
Tiffany Sauder [00:07:52]:
I wanted it to be around. I want it to be around for.
Tiffany Sauder [00:07:54]:
A really, really long time. I didn't want to just have this flash in the pan that either, like.
Tiffany Sauder [00:07:59]:
Paid me a bunch of money for.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:00]:
A short period of time, or we.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:02]:
Sold it right before we wrecked it or whatever.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:04]:
It was like, if you want to do that, then you have to put.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:09]:
Some things in place.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:10]:
And so I wrote down a few different areas. I think I have four here of how learning how to lead a team to success. And I would say in a way.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:24]:
That feels successful, meaning it's like, aligned.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:26]:
With our values and people are growing.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:29]:
I want those same things for my family.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:31]:
And they're not actually that different in the sense of they're both people based entities, a family and an organization. They're both complex because we're all different people trying to work towards our own and collective achievement, and they're just not.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:52]:
That different from one another.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:53]:
There's very routine things that need to happen. There's very exciting things that need to happen.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:58]:
And sometimes I think one of the.
Tiffany Sauder [00:08:59]:
Biggest difficulties in running a family instead of a business is that there's not a monthly profit and loss statement in our personal lives that gets our attention in 30 day increments and like to figure out what's working and what's not and where's their variance and where do we need to make some adjustments. We do that with so much more urgency and discipline. And these cycles of, like, planning and implementation come so much more readily in.
Tiffany Sauder [00:09:28]:
Our business lives, in our professional lives.
Tiffany Sauder [00:09:31]:
Than they do in our family lives. And a lot of what I've put.
Tiffany Sauder [00:09:34]:
Together in the Life of And Academy.
Tiffany Sauder [00:09:36]:
Is like, literally like, what is the operating infrastructure of our household.
Tiffany Sauder [00:09:41]:
So that the most simple things, we.
Tiffany Sauder [00:09:44]:
Can own the ordinary, as I say.
Tiffany Sauder [00:09:46]:
We can own the most ordinary tasks so that they happen, like, automatically. And so that we have the capacity.
Tiffany Sauder [00:09:52]:
For things like travel, sports, and our own health and family vacations. And, I don't know, going on a.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:01]:
Hiking trip as a family like stuff that you want to do, how do.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:04]:
You make the most ordinary parts fit.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:06]:
Into the smallest possible container?
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:08]:
So a lot of what I put together in the Life of And Academy.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:11]:
For sure, has taken cues and things.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:14]:
That I've learned from building Element Three.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:17]:
To be a really successful business.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:19]:
And I'm going to share some of those parallels here. Okay.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:21]:
And it's taking me a ten minute.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:22]:
Preamble to get to it, but that's just how it goes sometimes, people. Okay, the first is that defining and teaching from values, you don't have to.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:31]:
Read very far into leadership literature to.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:33]:
See that, like a company having really.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:34]:
Defined values is a really important part.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:37]:
Of its ability to be, for people to be able to behave in a way that is aligned.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:43]:
And so I would say if you.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:45]:
Went and asked each person in our family, like, what our family values are, we'd probably have slightly different vocabulary for it.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:51]:
However, if you went and asked people.
Tiffany Sauder [00:10:53]:
In the agency what our company values are, they would have exactly the same vocabulary for it. So I managed that. I would say we, that's a little bit more intuited at home, but in the same way that when I'm giving feedback at work to people and helping them understand, like, where maybe there's been.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:12]:
Some behavior that I'm not super excited.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:14]:
About, I will talk about that in the lens of our values. I'll give feedback and say, hey, when we were preparing for this client meeting.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:24]:
There were four or five things that.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:26]:
We could have done to help the.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:27]:
Client be more prepared coming into that meeting.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:31]:
When we talk about our value of delight with excellence, part of what we mean is putting ourselves in our clients shoes so that the experience, the preparedness.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:42]:
The follow up feels almost seamless.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:46]:
That's what we mean when we say delight with excellence.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:48]:
So that would be a way in.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:49]:
My work world where I would give feedback to somebody through the lens of our values and help them be more clear.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:56]:
It is the exact same way when.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:57]:
We think about our parenting with our.
Tiffany Sauder [00:11:59]:
Kids, how do we give them feedback through the lens of our values, our expectations of them, the way that we.
Tiffany Sauder [00:12:06]:
Want them to behave. Because at some point, they're going to leave our house. Or, like, my oldest is getting close to being 16.
Tiffany Sauder [00:12:13]:
I need to let her begin practicing making decisions on her own.
Tiffany Sauder [00:12:17]:
It's not just my job to, like, fill in the blank every single time. There's a why in the road for her. She has to be able to make.
Tiffany Sauder [00:12:26]:
Some of those decisions.
Tiffany Sauder [00:12:27]:
And so if I can teach her.
Tiffany Sauder [00:12:29]:
Lessons through the lens of our family.
Tiffany Sauder [00:12:30]:
Values, one of the stories that comes to my mind is that I remember with one of my daughters, I'll protect the innocent here.
Tiffany Sauder [00:12:38]:
I had asked her a question, and.
Tiffany Sauder [00:12:39]:
She told me the answer.
Tiffany Sauder [00:12:42]:
And while the answer was inherently not.
Tiffany Sauder [00:12:45]:
A lie, it was not the complete truth. And I knew that because I already knew the answer to the question. And so, as I talked to her about that situation, I told her, hey, you're going to have all kinds of situations in life where you get to choose if you want to tell some of the truth, which is not technically a lie, or if you are going.
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:08]:
To have the courage. And your character is going to be.
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:11]:
Someone who tells all of the truth. And I asked her to kind of extrapolate forward. Like, let's imagine what does telling the.
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:20]:
Whole truth do for your relationship with.
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:22]:
The person on the other side?
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:24]:
Does it make them trust you more? Does it make you trust them less?
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:28]:
Does it make you want to be.
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:31]:
More of a teammate with that person or less of a teammate?
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:34]:
Like, I asked her to roll forward.
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:36]:
Let's think about what happens when you decide to have the courage to step.
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:40]:
In and tell the whole truth. And then I was able to say, like, as a family, this is what.
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:47]:
We believe the Bible says.
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:50]:
Our requirements are of our behavior, and this is how we are going to choose to live.
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:56]:
We are going to be people who.
Tiffany Sauder [00:13:58]:
Tell the whole truth whether we're asked for it or not, because that is about our character as an individual, and that is a really important thing for you to steward. And so, again, this isn't like me and my amazing parenting.
Tiffany Sauder [00:14:13]:
I do feel like in this moment.
Tiffany Sauder [00:14:14]:
I was given a lot of wisdom and clarity. Instead of, like, ripping her face off, which is partially what I wanted to do, let's be clear. I had to take a beat and think about, how do I do this? Well, but when we define our values as a family, and I think we would be served actually as a family and being even more explicit about these being defined, and we teach and parent.
Tiffany Sauder [00:14:37]:
From those values, we are handing them.
Tiffany Sauder [00:14:40]:
Over to our kids. We are teaching them how to think critically about them. And again, it's exactly what we're doing inside of the cultures that we're building and our companies that we're leading and the teams that we're leading and the.
Tiffany Sauder [00:14:53]:
Things that we're trying to get done in our professional world, we know the more aligned a team is around our.
Tiffany Sauder [00:14:57]:
Values, the more they're going to make.
Tiffany Sauder [00:15:00]:
Decisions that are maybe not exactly the.
Tiffany Sauder [00:15:02]:
Same, but they are in the spirit.
Tiffany Sauder [00:15:06]:
Of where we're moving as a team.
Tiffany Sauder [00:15:07]:
And so I think this principle of defining and teaching from our values is one of those things that I picked up from my professional life, where it just feels, like, so obvious. We talk about it as relates to, like, building culture and being able to keep your people and having a place that people want to work. Well, our kids don't get the choice to leave us, you know, but how do we show up and think about our family culture in that same way? Okay, the second one is clear expectations. So, as this is probably a little bit of a first cousin to values, but I think about this as it relates to our family practice of understanding priorities. And maybe this is actually, let me switch the order of these because I think it's going to make more sense. So the first one is define and teach from your values. The second one is that if you think about in our professional lives, again.
Tiffany Sauder [00:16:01]:
People are most motivating and most clear and most direct with their behavior when.
Tiffany Sauder [00:16:06]:
They have clearly articulated and explicit goals.
Tiffany Sauder [00:16:10]:
And priorities that they are running after.
Tiffany Sauder [00:16:12]:
And when those are clearly defined, they're agreed upon with the leadership and like, you know, their manager and the business, they're seen as a priority for what's.
Tiffany Sauder [00:16:22]:
Required to move things forward.
Tiffany Sauder [00:16:25]:
They then can plan their time according.
Tiffany Sauder [00:16:28]:
To those things, and everybody can support.
Tiffany Sauder [00:16:31]:
Managing towards those clearly articulated goals and priorities. So how do we take that same concept and apply it to our families? Well, about quarterly, I always do it.
Tiffany Sauder [00:16:42]:
In seasons of coming change.
Tiffany Sauder [00:16:43]:
So in our family, it, like, really tracks the school calendar. So when we were coming into summer.
Tiffany Sauder [00:16:49]:
I asked all of the girls, what.
Tiffany Sauder [00:16:51]:
Are your priorities for the summer? And some years I have them write them all down and, like, post them on the refrigerator so that we can all see what we're trying to drive our time towards.
Tiffany Sauder [00:17:03]:
So when they come to me and.
Tiffany Sauder [00:17:04]:
Say, I'm bored, I can say, hey.
Tiffany Sauder [00:17:06]:
Let'S go look at your goals list.
Tiffany Sauder [00:17:08]:
For the summer and see what you can work towards.
Tiffany Sauder [00:17:11]:
It also allows me to be able.
Tiffany Sauder [00:17:13]:
To see what it is that their priorities are so that I know how to manage their time, our time, our calendar as a family, and we can prioritize accordingly. So the summer before last, Aubrey had some camps that overlapped with when my.
Tiffany Sauder [00:17:32]:
Sister and her kids were here. And so she did not get as.
Tiffany Sauder [00:17:34]:
Much time with cousins as a result of that.
Tiffany Sauder [00:17:37]:
And so coming into this summer, she's.
Tiffany Sauder [00:17:38]:
Like, I want to be able to do my camps, but I don't want it to sacrifice my time with my cousins. And I was like, that's cool. That just means you're going to basically.
Tiffany Sauder [00:17:46]:
Be gone for most the month of June. Are you okay with that?
Tiffany Sauder [00:17:50]:
Because that just means you're going to be backed back. And I don't want to hear, I'm tired and I can't help out when you are home if we're going to do that. And she was like, got it, mom. That's the compromise, is if you're going to do these back to back camps.
Tiffany Sauder [00:18:03]:
When you are home, you cannot fall.
Tiffany Sauder [00:18:05]:
Apart and be a disaster because otherwise, we'll just need to spread these camps out because I'm not going to manage that. Fallout of that priority change. She's like, totally get it. That makes sense to me. So it was like we didn't execute 100% on the no falling apart, but I feel like it went much better and we were aligned going into it.
Tiffany Sauder [00:18:23]:
And I could help make the decisions.
Tiffany Sauder [00:18:25]:
Around when are the dates that she's going to be signed up for? Because I knew that was a priority, that she wanted me to help manage. So I am, like, such a major.
Tiffany Sauder [00:18:36]:
Advocate of this, of not just listening.
Tiffany Sauder [00:18:38]:
To, what are your kids priorities? I think, honestly, probably six years old is when they understand this concept, but when they're even five, you can kind of say like, hey, do you want.
Tiffany Sauder [00:18:51]:
To have a friend over three different times this summer?
Tiffany Sauder [00:18:55]:
Do you want to go to the pool and eat chicken nuggets for dinner? Like, it doesn't have to be, like, super serious stuff, but it helps them be like, oh, you're asking me what I want, and we're going to go.
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:06]:
Do that as a family, or maybe.
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:08]:
Just, you know, you and the kid.
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:10]:
And one parent or an older sibling, and we're going to check those things off.
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:14]:
And it begins to create this understanding.
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:17]:
Of this relationship between.
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:18]:
I set intention, I executed my energy towards that, and then it happened.
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:24]:
And I think that cycle is such an important thing to learn no matter.
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:28]:
What season of life we're in. So as we're getting ready to go into another change season of going into school year, and then we'll do it again for the second semester, what are our priorities?
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:39]:
Are you in season or out of.
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:40]:
Season in your sports?
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:42]:
What classes are you taking? And are any of them, like, ap and super hard? Aubrey's getting her driver's license, so we have to get a certain number of driving hours in. How are we going to make sure that that happens? How can junior support when he's home?
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:54]:
Can they go out driving after dinner? Like, literally?
Tiffany Sauder [00:19:57]:
We have to actively manage the priorities.
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:00]:
In our household as a family, and.
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:03]:
We have to operate as a team. And I also want the girls to.
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:07]:
Understand what my priorities are in my.
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:09]:
Work, what am I working on in.
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:11]:
My personal life, in my health, what.
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:13]:
Is happening, what are my objectives and.
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:15]:
How can they support me?
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:18]:
And the same thing for junior.
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:19]:
Is he going to be in a season of a bunch of travel?
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:21]:
Is he going to be home?
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:22]:
What's that going to look like?
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:24]:
It sets everybody's expectations and allows us.
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:27]:
To operate as a team, which goes back to what I talked about earlier.
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:32]:
So what are their goals? What are their priorities? And how do you publish them and actively manage towards them? And again, for us, it's always going.
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:39]:
Into seasons of change, usually kind of three times a year, going into summer, going into first semester, and then second semester, the early part of winter and spring. So we talk about Aubrey's going to be turning 16. What do you want to be doing for your birthday party? Like, literally, I look ahead and see everything that's coming, and we will talk through it.
Tiffany Sauder [00:20:58]:
I say everything, everything I can see, so that the stuff that I know.
Tiffany Sauder [00:21:02]:
Is happening, I can proactively be ready for.
Tiffany Sauder [00:21:05]:
And that way there's some capacity for.
Tiffany Sauder [00:21:08]:
The surprises and kind of like, last minute things in. So, yeah, okay, I want to talk about clear expectations, and I'll just, I guess, maybe quickly teach a principle. But when you think about, like, a new employee or an employee that's in.
Tiffany Sauder [00:21:23]:
A role that you work for, the more clear you can be with them.
Tiffany Sauder [00:21:26]:
About what your expectations are, the better chance they're going to have at being successful. And so I love this paradigm. I don't even know what the word is, like, principle. Maybe that's a better word. I love this principle of implied expectations versus explicit agreements.
Tiffany Sauder [00:21:42]:
And implied expectations is just that.
Tiffany Sauder [00:21:44]:
It's like, this thing that is, like, inherently implied. It has never actually been stated to what end, at what frequency, like, how is it going to happen? Etcetera.
Tiffany Sauder [00:21:55]:
Implied expectations versus explicit agreements. Let me give you an example in.
Tiffany Sauder [00:21:59]:
Our household of something that is an implied expectation. But for me, growing up was an explicit agreement.
Tiffany Sauder [00:22:04]:
I love a clean car.
Tiffany Sauder [00:22:05]:
I get that because my dad loves clean cars. And, like, even though we had four kids growing up, the inside of our vehicles when I was growing up, literally were always spotless and kind of the same on the outside because every single Saturday, my sister and I had to clean out the inside and outside. Like, we had to sweep out dust, wash the windows of our big conversion van. I was usually the inside.
Tiffany Sauder [00:22:30]:
And then we had to hand wash.
Tiffany Sauder [00:22:31]:
The outside of it, and we had to hand wash it inside of the garage because that meant we could do it in every season. And my dad did not like it when the sun dried the water spots on. And so we would hand shammy, this.
Tiffany Sauder [00:22:47]:
Thing off in the garage.
Tiffany Sauder [00:22:49]:
Isn't this hilarious? Like, we totally did this.
Tiffany Sauder [00:22:51]:
We lived in a small town.
Tiffany Sauder [00:22:52]:
There was not like a big car wash. We just, like, zoom through the car wash. Now my kids have no idea, so I. Okay, I kind of went on a tangent, but that's, like, why I love a clean car. I think everybody loves a clean car, but I, like, grew up with a clean car, so I know it's possible. So when I was growing up, it was a very explicit agreement. Every single Saturday, my sister and I had to do that.
Tiffany Sauder [00:23:13]:
It did not matter what had happened.
Tiffany Sauder [00:23:14]:
On Friday night, we had to get the car clean. And if not, there was going to be some consequence, no doubt. Now, with my kids, it's very much an implied expectation, meaning, I will be like, you guys, it's like a barn in here. Somebody needs to clean it out.
Tiffany Sauder [00:23:31]:
Or you four of you need to.
Tiffany Sauder [00:23:33]:
Take a half hour and get this thing cleaned up. Because I can't stand it anymore. I have not taken that from, it's like, hey, episodically, we're going to do this. And said, like, hey, every single Saturday this is going to happen.
Tiffany Sauder [00:23:44]:
But the more clear you can make your expectations of your kids.
Tiffany Sauder [00:23:47]:
And one thing that I do is this morning or evening routine where we shut down the house, I'm going to call it 320 out of 365 days a year, where we run this evening, wind down, wipe down the counters, sweep the floor, take out the trash, run the dishwasher, pack lunches, do the things that shut the household down. And that is an explicit agreement with my family.
Tiffany Sauder [00:24:11]:
They know this is what we have.
Tiffany Sauder [00:24:12]:
To do every single night. So if you're feeling frustrated, like, yeah.
Tiffany Sauder [00:24:16]:
I'm trying to do this. I'm trying to keep everybody moving towards.
Tiffany Sauder [00:24:19]:
Their goals, but it's not working.
Tiffany Sauder [00:24:22]:
It might be because everything you're wanting.
Tiffany Sauder [00:24:25]:
Them to do or all of the behaviors and routines that it takes to move that stuff forward is so implied. It's so like ish in the house that nobody can participate in it consistently.
Tiffany Sauder [00:24:39]:
Because it's never been turned into a.
Tiffany Sauder [00:24:41]:
Very explicit agreement with the family of, hey, if we want to get all these things to happen, then that means.
Tiffany Sauder [00:24:48]:
We have to make sure this stuff.
Tiffany Sauder [00:24:50]:
Happens first, because this is the vehicle that our goals ride in is if we do this stuff, like, this morning is a great example. I don't know. I was in the car, like, literally four and a half hours yesterday, which. It's weird that that's the kind of day that makes me really tired, but it's just like, oh, my gosh, I've just been driving everywhere. There's no flow to anything. I don't feel like I get anything really done on those days. And I just, I just don't feel like woo my energized, goal oriented self at the end of those days. And so we got home late.
Tiffany Sauder [00:25:23]:
I wasn't really prepared for that. So we ordered pizza, we stood around the island and chatted as a family while we did that. And then I just sort of like, sat on the couch for an hour and a half and I ordered some stuff with my girls online. And like, I sort of like chatting with people, but just was like, kind of unmotivated. And I didn't get my kitchen all cleaned up last night.
Tiffany Sauder [00:25:42]:
And this morning I woke up and I walked out there and my plan.
Tiffany Sauder [00:25:45]:
Was to go take a run, but I didn't. I spent 25 minutes instead cleaning up the night before, like, reading an article on the counter. Like, I just putzed around. And I know that because I did.
Tiffany Sauder [00:25:58]:
Not run my evening routine and I.
Tiffany Sauder [00:26:00]:
Did not hold tight to the thing that I know runs the next day so much better that I woke up and just like, instantly got distracted. The space cluttered makes my brain cluttered. And I was like, I cannot go take a run before this stuff is like, all cleaned up because I went out to go get my morning caffeine and I was like, oh, it just.
Tiffany Sauder [00:26:19]:
Feels gross in here.
Tiffany Sauder [00:26:20]:
And I just like, literally threw off my whole morning.
Tiffany Sauder [00:26:23]:
And now here I am mid morning.
Tiffany Sauder [00:26:24]:
And I'm just sort of like annoyed with myself that it didn't go sweat. And it's this domino effect. And so when you have these explicit agreements in place and you have a way to hold yourself accountable to, like.
Tiffany Sauder [00:26:37]:
This is the thing we decided to do.
Tiffany Sauder [00:26:39]:
It makes everything downstream work better. And look, in your work life, it's.
Tiffany Sauder [00:26:45]:
The exact same thing. When there are processes defined, that is.
Tiffany Sauder [00:26:49]:
How you move something from an implicit expectation to an explicit agreement. When you move something from, hey, everybody can do this their own way, that's an implied expectation to an explicit agreement.
Tiffany Sauder [00:27:04]:
Which is, hey, if you are going to be in this job and you.
Tiffany Sauder [00:27:07]:
Are going to work on this project, then this is exactly the way that it needs to happen. That is an explicit agreement.
Tiffany Sauder [00:27:13]:
And so we need to do that.
Tiffany Sauder [00:27:14]:
In our own households, I believe, for the most ordinary things in our lives so that we have the space, mentally and physically to actually move our time and resources towards our goals and not just existing. So it kind of I think leads into my last thing, which is how do we put systems in place where right now there are bespoke activities to get a lot of ordinary things done? Meaning ordering groceries, that can be a very systematic thing. Meaning this is exactly how I do it. This is the list of groceries that I order. I ordered on Thursday afternoon for delivery on Thursday evening so that we can prep and chop over the weekend, and I food plan on Wednesday. That is a system versus episodically. It's like sometimes we go to the.
Tiffany Sauder [00:28:06]:
Store, sometimes we order online. Sometimes we go to the store four times a week.
Tiffany Sauder [00:28:10]:
Sometimes we get everything at Costco on Sunday that is still getting groceries. But that is a very bespoke solve for every single week.
Tiffany Sauder [00:28:20]:
And that takes a lot of solving.
Tiffany Sauder [00:28:21]:
Energy to do that.
Tiffany Sauder [00:28:23]:
So when you turn things like that.
Tiffany Sauder [00:28:25]:
Very ordinary stuff into a system, it gets very ordinary to feed and manage those things. And when you do it long enough, you don't even notice almost that you're doing it because it becomes so automatic. So it does take some energy to make sure you're clearing the space for that stuff to happen. Or if we're away at a game and it's like when I'm supposed to be getting groceries ordered, I just have to be like, okay, I got to set a reminder that when I sit in the bleachers, that I sit down.
Tiffany Sauder [00:28:56]:
And spend ten minutes getting my grocery.
Tiffany Sauder [00:28:58]:
Order in, because this is when it has to happen. So I do have to, like, very actively manage myself in those ways of, like, when am I going to be sitting outside of a school picking a kid up? Or if I'm going to be sitting in the bleachers? Or how can, like, how can I make things accessible from almost anywhere I am so that I can still run.
Tiffany Sauder [00:29:17]:
Those systems no matter what's happening and.
Tiffany Sauder [00:29:19]:
No matter where I physically am, because that is not always the same place every single week. So, okay, I'm sure that if we were chatting, you would have other places where you see your behaviors, your disciplines, your way of operating in your professional life, that if you did some of.
Tiffany Sauder [00:29:40]:
Those things in your personal life, could.
Tiffany Sauder [00:29:43]:
Also serve your family to be able to create capacity, move everybody towards their goals so that we can live this extraordinary life. Like, there is a lot of regular stuff that has to happen, like laundry and groceries and all that kind of stuff, but I don't think that that was intended to be all of our existence. And if we can put a few simple things in place, I think that.
Tiffany Sauder [00:30:09]:
We can have more and more capacity.
Tiffany Sauder [00:30:10]:
For the people and the extraordinary adventure that is this amazing life of Anne. As always, thanks for listening to this episode.
Tiffany Sauder [00:30:19]:
If for some reason this episode has.
Tiffany Sauder [00:30:21]:
Touched you and you think there's somebody in your life that could benefit from it, I would be so appreciative if you would click share on this episode and send it to a friend. Thanks so much and go crush your day.
Tiffany Sauder [00:30:34]:
Thank you for joining me on another episode of Scared Confident. Until next time, keep telling fear you will not decide what happens in my life.
Tiffany Sauder [00:30:43]:
I will.
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