6 principles to help you live your life of And

Tiffany Sauder: In my last solo show, we commemorated scare confidence to your birthday and I shared where my mind and heart has been on. Where does the message go from here? Like what does scare confidence in the next two years look like? I've been continuing to like set my mind and heart on that question of what do I have to share?

What is it about my perspective that I think is unique where, have I decided that things will be decidedly true in my life? And so I thought I'd share, I guess, just a little bit more about. How I see some of the like message tenets, the brand tenants coming together underneath this idea of creating a premiere resource for two career families that really want to have it all, that want a life of, and that want to say, I'm gonna excel at my career, I'm gonna excel in my relationships, and I'm gonna excel in my self, in my own growth, in my body, in my self care, in my ability to like completely feel.

Like I've stepped into my talents and who I am as a person and what God designed me to be so that I can be totally available to see and serve the people around me. Like that's what I want out of my life. And. This podcast is part of my journey and capturing what I know to be true, like verbally journaling that for myself so that I can discover it, so that I can share it, so that I can help you on that journey and continue to commit to those behaviors, those practices, and those mindsets as I like go into the next 65 years of my life.

Somebody told me one time, that how old you believe you're going to live has a profound effect on how long you live.

So I have started in the last like six. Writing it into the world that I'm gonna live to be 102. Uh, quince will be 62 years old and I feel like at that point she should be fine. , when you have a baby at 40, you have to live a long time. So 102, that's my goal. So how do I, be these things intentionally so that I can continue to grow?

So I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 6 things, that I haven't said out loud. They've been rolling around in my. And so we'll say 'em out loud and we'll see how they feel and we'll continue to work on this together. So, what do you need to become, how do you need to think?

Things you need to bring into your space if you want to live a life of, and, and what are the things that we're gonna explore over the next couple years?

The first one, and Brian Kaki talked about this in my last episode with him, he really did say this, um, an abundant mindset that everything I want, I can.

Like believing that everything I want I can get the question is simply how it's not if you can have it, it's not if there's enough in the world, it's not. If it's not, if it's when and it's how and how hard are you willing to work to get it? And your belief. I think about this like silly, but I think sometimes women can be like oddly competitive about fitness.

Like are you thinner or not than your. Literally, I don't have friends that think like that. but it's can be a thing. And I would say in unhealthier versions of myself, I have thought that before, but like fitness is literally an abundant resource. If I am fit, that does not take that from somebody else.

If you are fit, that doesn't take that from me. It's abundant. It's literally available to everyone. And so when you look at the world that way, where you have an abundant mindset, meaning everything I want in the. Can happen for me. And your mindset and belief is actually a key piece in you actually putting together the pieces, putting together the plan, putting together the disciplines to get there.

You can get that's an abundant mindset and there's enough for everyone. I think this is particular when I hear people talking about wanting a career and being a mom, for me that was obviously like a really. Not, I had to unie in my mind, but this abundant mindset, it's not, if I was going to do those, the question was how and if I could excel at work and excel at being a mom, what did that look like for me and how did I put together the choices, the time to actually get there?

So abundant mindset, that's the first thing I think that's so critical. We're gonna talk about that. I wanna. Explore ways that we can practice that an abundant mindset is critical to living a life of ands, number one. Um, the second is you can't be a wimp. You can't be a wimp. You can't be a wimp. You can't be a wimp. Repeat after me. You can't be a wimp. I don't know if people like to hear that or not, but you've gotta do the work. You have got to do hard things, even when you don't want to.

It can't be chaotic. If you want a life of and, you have to figure out how you rest and do that, but it's probably not going to. Lackadaisical. It's not gonna be accidental.

You're gonna need to show up on days when you don't feel like it. You're gonna need to show up for people sometimes when you don't want to. You are gonna have to go on a run when it's raining. You are going to have to, drive to a meeting sometimes when the roads are slick.

You cannot be a wimp and live a life of, and it takes a level of grit, of moxie, of determination, of fight because it doesn't accidentally happen. It happens with intention and it happens from decisions. And I say choose your hard.

It is hard to have kids. It is hard not to have kids. It is hard to be married. It is hard not to be married. It is hard to be fit. It is hard to be fat. It is hard to be rich. It is hard to be poor. It is hard to have a job. It is hard not to have a job. It's hard to be a stay-at-home mom. It's hard to be a dual-career family.

Like it's literally all hard. All of it's hard. Like what? Bad news about being a grownup. The whole thing is hard. But when you accept that, Hey, you know what? This thing called life kind of hard. It's gonna take a level of grit and determination. You get to pick the hard and I, I have decided I'm gonna pick the hard of hard work.

I'm gonna pick the hard of exercising. I'm gonna pick the hard of eating discipline. I'm gonna sometimes eating discipline, , mostly eating discipline. I'm gonna pick the heart of forgiveness versus bitterness. they're all hard. You cannot be a wimp if you wanna live a life of. And I would like to take this moment to remind you that everything is hard.

And so if it's gonna be hard anyway, why not pick the path that's hard, that gives you the outcome that you want, that gives you your dreams, that gives you the things that you want, Number three, living a life free from fear.

If you're just joining in. I went through a very intentional process at the beginning of this journey of scare confident, where I went through a fear journey and the first step was really naming my fear. What was I afraid of? And then I am such an externalizer. And so what was helpful for me was to take these different aspects of things that I was afraid of and actually go see.

Is it true? Or is it just fear creating this monster? That becomes a belief in my mind that starts to influence and direct my decisions and my actions, and so then I'm like working around this giant thing that my mind has created that is actually not true at all. When we can live freely, comfortably, intentionally in the middle of our talent and who God made us to be.

Authentically live open for other people and not through the perspective of how are people gonna think of me? What are they gonna say? Like, how are people gonna react? Like it is such a self-centered worldview when you are constantly operating through a lens of fear. when. intentionally step into service of others.

The attention is not on how the world is gonna receive you. The, the attention or your focus is on what you can give to the world and what you can give to others. And for me, in my story, and I'm sure there's lots of versions of this, but in my experience, it's a totally different way that I can show up to the world.

When I'm living in a way of how do my talents and my experiences and what I've learned and who I know and the things I've come to understand, how can I share those with other people versus what will they all think of me? And so my desire for everybody listening to this is that you can. Experience life living free from fear that it is not determining the outcomes in your life that you are, that your dreams are, what are driving you, not this monster of fear that is trying to detour who you are and who you are supposed to become and the impact that your life is supposed to have in the world.

So a life of and is one that lives free from fear. The next one is living with intentionality or like high expectations. I mean this particularly as it relates to like relationships with your family, with your friends, your marriage, your significant other, and also high expectations of yourself.

I'll tell you this little vignette and then we'll keep moving here, my husband is, I feel like very fancy, you know, he was a three sport athlete. His name was in the paper all the time as a kid. He went to Princeton, he played football. He's like smart, he's athletic, like all the things and, and then I'm, me, I'm also great, but in different ways.

and I remember when we were in the, like, poopy part of our marriage when we looked at each other and. In so many words, we have high expectations of literally every area of our life. Why do we not have high expectations of our marriage? Why do we not have high expectations? That we have the best marriage, that we are the most in love that we know each other the most, that we know what the other person wants that we're.

Excitedly serving. The other one that we're thinking about ways to bring joy into their life. That we're creating expectation, that we're being intentional about experiences that we're going on, adventures together, that we're like doing all the things that great marriages have. Why are we not doing any of that?

Are tired, laziest most pathetic self was walking into the relationship. and we were not being good for each other at all. Like we weren't being great. We weren't living with intentionality. We didn't have high expectations of it. Like we wanted great outcomes, but we were not putting in great effort and I don't want that.

And I remember it being a decision of like, no, I've decided I'm going to have a great. Not a good one, not an okay one, not a passable one. Not one that gets me, at least through the kids, like the kids out of the house. Like not that version, like a great one. And I feel like it's the same thing in my friendships.

Like I want great friends. You know what it takes to have great friends. You need to be a great friend. I feel like I've had to learn how to be a great friend and I feel like probably sometimes I fail my friends. decide are you gonna have high expectations of yourself, of who you are? I know ladies, it can be like hard after you have babies to like get back to who it's not you were before.

Cuz there's no version of that before. We are different. Our bodies are different, our lives are different, our time is different. But I don't want to lose a sense of like feeling great in my body no matter what that looks like. because I know that I'm the best version of myself. When I feel good about myself.

Those are decisions to have high expectations. Okay. The 1, 2, 3, 5, fifth one.

Authentically celebrating and mentoring others. For me, this is a life of, and, and I think this is probably connected to abundant mindset, living a life of and means that you are not just figuring out what you can take from life, but you are figuring out also where you can give in life. And I have found it is a.

talent to authentically celebrate other people, their talents, their victories, their accomplishments, their outcomes, the cool things that are happening in their life and the cool things that they have and the like new pool that they put in, all that kinda stuff to like authentically celebrate others and to authentically see and mentor others.

I think a life of and has those things in it where, You're celebrating other people, you're mentoring other people, you're seeing and watching and observing and taking apart in other people's worlds that exist and your whole world is not yourself because that can be very easy to do. Last one, and this is probablythe probably bottom of the pyramid, if there is one.

I think everything else stacks on. This is a growth mindset. and that is that, and I think about this like time under tension is what creates growth. Think about when you're lifting weights, your muscle only grows when it has time under tension. When it's broken down, when it's pushed and has force and has a counterbalance.

And it's like having to work and fight to become a new version of. and that growth mindset gets harder to keep hold of as you get older. Like it is fun to be good at things. It is fun to be known, to be excellent. It's fun to be introduced on a stage of like having mastered X, Y, Z topic. It can be difficult and humbling to put yourself back into the seat of, I know nothing about this.

I'm gonna look stupid. Like I don't even know what the words mean. And to really vulnerably, humbly put yourself in the student seat is hard. It's harder at 43 than it was at 33, and it's harder at 33 than it was at 23. And so how do we continue to have a growth mindset and. I've said this before, but like physically exerting myself in new and challenging ways because that's not like a totally safe space for me.

I'm not like, Ooh, she's so athletic. I'm active, not athletic. Those are two different things. and so pushing myself physically is a way for me to like prove to myself I'm staying in a growth mindset. I'm doing something that scares me. I'm doing something that intimidates me physically and practicing that for when the day comes, when I have to do.

in my mind or in my business, or take a risk or make an investment, or whatever it looks like.

So those six things I believe are critical to creating a life of, and, and each of our ands look different, each of them looks different. You get to pick what your nouns are, what your roles are.

You get to pick that part. You get to pick what you do with your time. But my plea to you is that you are sitting in roles. You are sitting in ways,ways that you're living your life and things that bring you joy and things that make you feel alive, and things that bring you purpose and things that make you feel this thing called life.

That is what it's all about. My big thing that I'm like, Feeling a sense of growth around is, I'm gonna be the opening keynote at the Eo s conference, and if you have no idea what that is, that's fine. The US conference, there'll be about 1500 people there.

Uh, it's a sold out conference. I think the opening. Keynote has a really big role in setting a big tone for the conference, and I am feeling really challenged by the excellence I'm putting in, like the expectation I have of what that 60 minute feels like and the preparation and the intentionality and the practice.

All of that has been a very vulnerable experience for me, and so I know I'm growing and that feels great, and keynote speaker is one of the ands that I really wanna add into my life, and so that's gonna take some work and it's fun. And it's scary and I feel alive, and that's the point.

it is my prayer for your life that you feel alive in your days and that we will set intentionality today to be better this week than we were last.

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