Are you intimidating?

[00:00:39] Tiffany Sauder: I realized I am most available to other people when I am most comfortable with myself. And so if I'm going to go into these environments where I'm talking or where I'm coaching or mentoring or sharing my experiences, I am most free to share when I am most comfortable.

[00:01:39] Tiffany Sauder: So last night I got a chance to go to Butler university and talk to a hundred students. it was like in the Lacey school of business. So most of them had like finance business, international business, degrees that they were pursuing.

And I gave, one of my talks, which is called dear 24 year old self.

and it's like the advice that I would give my younger self, which when I think back to my 24 year old self, I just have so much, Grace and compassion for her, you know, she like, she was just. Trying really hard and I was so hard on myself and I don't know my self now, 20 years older is just like so much.

compassion for that version of myself. But anyway, so take a minute and think about your 24 year old self. Where were you? What were you doing? where were you living? What were you driving? How much money were you making? Like, I think to just sit down and think about where were you at that age?

I know some of you listening are like actually that age. And so that's hard for you to do cause you're in it. But, I guess just the fast forward version of that presentation is like, just give yourself some grace, be patient with yourself. Life is big and long and you'll get there. but I'm always so fascinated by the questions that I get at the end where they come up and.

talk to you and because those are usually the best ones, because for some reason they're not comfortable just you know, raising their hand and shouting them out. And one of them that I got that I thought would just take a minute to talk about here was, do you ever get accused of being intimidating?

And, it doesn't really matter, but I had worn like a denim shirt and a long denim skirt. I don't know, like monochromatic. And then I had these tall knee high, like purple boots on. And she's like, you know, people talk to us about like being professional and being business professional and making sure that you're addressing the part.

Like, she's like, you have on purple boots. Like, how do you get to there? And do people ever like. Think that you're intimidating and what do you do about that? And what does that mean in your life? And so I just thought like, I would just export a little bit on that this week and just share with you some of my thoughts on it.

And if you get, told that you're intimidating, maybe some ways that I have been thoughtful about that and like kind of tried to soften myself. So, anyway, I told her on the, like close stuff, I was like, look, I found that like, I'm just most comfortable when I'm most comfortable. So when I'm wearing the things that like people tell me I'm supposed to wear, I am so conscious of myself.

Like, some of the just like business uniforms and like we're way past that, in actual life. But I think there's times where we feel like we need to dress the part instead of like wearing what we actually want to wear, what we like, or just like what helps us express who we are. think especially when we're younger, I don't think there's a lot of 40 year olds walking around wearing things that people told them to do.

But I do think, My younger self didn't have the freedom to totally express myself in that way. So I realized I am most available to other people when I am most comfortable with myself. And so if I'm going to go into these environments where I'm talking or where I'm coaching or mentoring or sharing my experiences, I am most free to share when I am most.

comfortable. So do you do the thing that makes you feel most comfortable? Not because it's about making some grand statement about not following the rules or whatever it needs to be, but because when you are most comfortable, you are most available. And that's like the ultimate, I don't know, presentation of our life is to like, be available to serve others.

That's one of my core values. And so.

So when I'm in a space mentally, physically, the way I feel about myself, or I'm just like really free. My grandma, I love this, little phrase. She would say dress to forget yourself, grandma Marcella. She would say dress to forget yourself. And you know, when you're like, so up in your head about what you're wearing, either like Yeah.

You realize Holy crap, I just like feel super frumpy. These pants don't fit. they need to be hemmed. I don't like these shoes with it. like the whole time you're at the place, your brain is just consumed with I hate this. I want to get out of here. I don't want to wear this.

And maybe nobody listening has ever felt that before. But confession, I have like when I'm just like, I hate what I'm wearing. I'm so unavailable to this environment because I'm just like obsessed. I definitely did not dress to forget myself in that environment.

I also know that there's times when it's like.

It just sort of like went a little far with it. the heels are a little high, the thing's a little low. Like it's just, you definitely did not dress to forget yourself. You like dressed to be noticed. And I mean, not totally against that. I love, to be a foreground kind of human being let's let's.

Keep it real here among friends. but you also know when you have dressed in a way where you're like, Nope, this is not my night to be present for others, and like, be available for other people's problems. Like I am literally dressing myself to be the main event. And, I don't think that's like totally what life's about either.

So. all of us have in my grandma's handwriting, dress to forget yourself. And then it says grandma Marcella, and then we all have these little canvases like in our closets that say it. It's just like really special.

So I see it every morning, as a reminder to just dress to forget yourself. Be comfortable, be confident, be clear in who you are. She used to say it takes just as long to put on a dumb outfit as it does. A cool one, so you might as well wear a cool one. Grandma Marcella dropping wisdom bombs here. So, anyway, okay That's that the other part of this question was like am I ever?

received as intimidating and for sure for sure. I am I have been told that I'm tall I'm not afraid to like, confidently walk into a room not afraid to wear some heels but what I have found is if you were like just assembled As a human being in a way that kind of comes across as intimidating.

I think my husband can be very intimidating too, but for different reasons that one of the ways to make yourself less intimidating is to know that about yourself and to be the one who goes first, you're the one who goes over to one empty chair at a table and sits down and introduces yourself. You're the one who goes to somebody and that's standing in the corner and says, like, Hey, I'm Tiffany.

Like, who are you and why are you here and talking about yourself? Like, I know I can be intimidating. And so I'm oftentimes not the first one who is approached. And so if I want to norm into a I just have to know I'm maybe going to have to probably go first. if I'm sitting alone at a table, I'm probably going to have to invite people to join me.

Like, Hey, these are empty seats. Would you like to join me and make eye contact with somebody? So I try to take on the responsibility of just like softening the edges. I know that's how I can be interpreted sometimes. I readily make eye contact with people. I'll smile at them and just like try to disarm what they could be thinking, which is, I don't know, this is, I'm intimidating.

So anyway, I think. If you are seen as intimidating, sometimes I don't necessarily think we have to see that as a bad thing. I don't think that we have to see that as something we need to change, but I do think there's a toolbox of things we can access to help make us more accessible. To others, because that is really what this life is about meeting, learning, doing life with lots of people.

And, the more we are not intimidating and able to kind of disarm, maybe that part of us, the faster connection can be made. So,

anyway, just some thoughts for the week. Some musings and ramblings of my brain. So thanks for listening in for another episode. You guys we're like pouring gas on the fire in the most fun ways, just experimenting.

And we're just like loving your feedback, loving your engagement. If you know somebody who's living in a two career home that just like needs to know what we're talking about here. The tools we're experimenting with, the way that we're sharing and learning together, it would just be such a gift to me. If you would send them your favorite episode, share it with them.

It helps us grow the project. It helps us grow the impact that we're having and, helps us grow, just. Spreading life of and, and like reminding people, this does not have to be a chaotic life. It can be full and rich and also peaceful. So thanks for listening in. And, this is your weekly encouragement to go and crush your individual life of and.

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