Fear Journey: I am making an impact

I am making an impact

I'm Kyle Lacy, and this is my fear journey.

when I was thinking through who could I ask to go through the fear journey? I wanted someone that I guess first I knew was just like, kind of experimental at their core that they were up for trying something that didn't have a lot of form to. Because I knew I could kind of explain the fear journey to someone, but I also knew I was going to need someone who could kind of take a leap of faith.

And then I also wanted someone that I knew had an interest in vulnerability that had shown hints of being on a personal journey of self-defense. And so when I thought through those different criteria, that was what led me to Kyle Lacy. Obviously, as a marketer, you can't do great things. If you aren't open to experimentation and you don't have to look far on Kyle's social media footprint to see that like he's really vulnerable.

Self discovery was certainly part of, I felt like a path he was on. So I reached out and said, Hey, Kyle, I've got a crazy ask. What do you think about doing this fear journey? And he said, yes. So I'm super grateful for Kyle for kind of free falling into this experience. The question that I had at the beginning of this was going through my own fear journey, starting with the fear interview, having really intentional conversations.

Uh, with people that I knew I admired or that I knew loved me to really play out my fear statement in different scenarios. I wanted to see if my mind would change and I wanted to see if my patterns could change. I wanted to see if my beliefs could change. And it was a profound experience for me personally.

And so my question to myself was, is this transferable, can I give this experience to someone else who's also ready for it? And it's been such an exciting journey for me to see Kyle go through this kind of in anticipation of, is he going to be different? Like, is he going to be changed? What's going to happen, but I think you have to be ready, like so many things in life.

I have heard. I'm sure you have too. The statement of when the student is ready, the teacher will come. And I think it's really interesting that for Kyle, this fear journey took place in a really big change for him. Lessonly was sold and fear can really have a loud voice when there's change. And Kyle has a bigger job.

Now he has more responsibility. He has more influence. He has more people under him. And so to be able to help Kyle on his journey of becoming a stronger leader to have more impact is really, it's very satisfying for me. I'm really excited about that is the fear journey. Transferable

I'd say it is transferrable mainly just because the one thing that it forces you to do other than understanding. How you view fear and how you think about fear. It helps you communicate with others who are in the same boat or have lived through it. Like it's forcing, it's forcing the conversation.

That's why I believe all of this is transferable because you're communicating and you're talking about the struggle and how to shift the mindset. It's given me like a playbook or tenants or a template. Of of how to live live a better life, you know, with the values, understanding legacy and getting over the fear of failure, or at least shifting the mindset around the fear of failure.

It's given me the, you know, setting values appropriately understanding the legacy and understanding failure. Yeah. I think it's helpful. And so I have the tools to be able to go out there and say, all right, I'm going to, I'm going to live this a little bit differently now. And it's not necessarily like when we first started this where you you're supposed to tell for your no, it's just that it's, it's not as, it's not as, um, loud, it's, you know, it will always be there, but it's a mindset change, but I don't think you ever conquered.

I don't think, honestly, I don't, I'm not sure if you should strive to fully call. I'm not sure if that's possible

next up. You're going to hear our conversation with Kyle and Nathaniel, reflecting on Kyle's journey. Um, Kyle, one of the things that did stick out with me, where I felt connected to you when you told me about like, you know, your whole religious education. And so I did kind of want to know just in the whole.

Piece. And I wanted to highlight that to me, Kyle, I really believe I don't want to push this on you. That you're a real faithful man, like spiritually. And I just meant that you really love people and you really care for people. And it was really, um, key. I, I could see that and you don't want to hurt people.

So, you know, in my definition that that's being a faithful, spiritual person, but, um, I did want to know from you man, like, um, what, what was your experience and did you see. Um, like how faith or, or just religion has hurt you in a different perspective at all. After my conversation with Joe staples, who, you know, the devout Mormon that has been his entire life basically, and somebody that I really look up to, I didn't dig really deep into the religion side of this.

I think it was more, and this is actually, this actually presents itself multiple times throughout the interview. It's a reframing. Like it's not, I don't see it as space. I see it as values. So it's not, it's not a, it's not a belief in something. It is a, what set of values do I agree with? Like, how do I want to live?

Because ultimately when I was talking to Joe, it came down to the set of values that he lives and that he lives out as a father, as Lee, as a marketer and leading. As a grandfather. Um, and that, that kind of helped me on the fear side because it, it just completely, uh, it didn't negate the fear of faith. It reframed it to where I think that the fear was more around.

I, I don't, I still don't, I'm working on it. I don't have a set of values. To, to look at, and that's where the fear came from. It wasn't necessarily the fact that I was hurt by a church of God or evangelical Christianity or whatever. It was just like, I don't know what my values are. And that's where the fear came from.

You know, one of the deep things that you struggled with, that the fear interview exposed as just to dig deep period. Right. Um, so I'll be honest that even like right now, I, I don't necessarily believe everything you're saying, I know you have the ability not to dig deep. Like, uh, there was a fear of digging deep.

So I think that there are certain things you could refrain that as long as you don't have to dig deep, you don't, you don't want to do that. You had a fear of digging deep, but yeah. In essence, um, your values, um, that's really what makes people. Who they are. And no matter if somebody has faith or religion or whatever, uh, bottom line is it's values that they're trying to follow and live by.

And so, um, that, that makes total sense. But when, but yeah, Kyle, when you say you weren't hurt by something, or you already told me that, you know, I don't know if you want to dig to find out what you were hurt by or if you were hurt by anything. Well, I think that the, the, well, what we, what we talked about.

And there's a lot, there was a lot to unpack there and I do agree with you, Tiffany. And I talked about that, just how I use humor to deflect. Right. Which is so I'm just good at it. Part of the fear, which I think has I have settled on, is that a part of the fear was I D I didn't know how to raise my kids without that structure.

And that's where the F that was where, like, I, I don't have. The, I don't have the context or the playbook because I grew up in the church and we're, we don't go to church. And I mean, we were there three, three times a week. Like that's where my friends were like, we, that was it. Like, that was our social circle.

And we talking to Joe and I don't, I have no, like, it just randomly just hit me in the middle of the conversation with him. It's really just about defining the values you believe in and making sure that you try to live by them as, as close as possible. And it's the, it's the finding of the value set that I can then hand to my children through action, right.

That kind of, at least a part of the fear was reframed and it made me at peace. I can just feel at peace about it. That's good. Um, and I can't really explain it honestly. So what are the values? What values did you discover that you're at peace with it you're fine with, and that makes, uh, that that's fulfilling to you and it gives you peace.

What are, what are those values still working on it? But I do have a few that, that I've written down and have kind of, um, internalized, which is respect for us. All everyone and giving back. I think part of my struggle is that I want to make sure that my children understand the, the value of giving back to others, no matter who it is and that they are, uh, that they will give energy, monetary time, whatever to other people, because that that's part of.

Where I have always, I think you and I talked about this where I've always struggled with some of the, uh, religious religious side of this is that it tends to be fairly ego-driven at least on my w w that was my case. Right. Growing, growing up in it. And I think that helps me kind of reframe how I want my children to add.

And live, but, and those, so those are the two main ones, like respect and giving back, um, are, are ones that I'm going to try as much as possible to invest in, um, both with words as well as actual. And I would say just some of the things I experienced with you is that's exactly what you're doing. Like, uh, you're giving back to people, the information that you share that's inside.

The things that people can just pick up from listening to you. Um, you know, to me, that's actually practicing, um, you know, those values at the same time. I kind of want to know what, what caused you or what gave you the ability to kind of speak like that? Is that just natural for you? Did you ever make a decision?

That's just you being Kyle and talking to people, like where does that come from? AOL instant messenger. Like I like seriously, I don't, I don't know. I don't plan any of it. I just post it. The one thing I will say to that is that it is, it is easier to post stuff online than it is to like have those conversations in person and dig deep and be intentional with people.

Right. So I would say, yeah, I'm very good at that. I'm I'm less. Uh, I need to work on being intentional with people in person and digging deep. Like my aunt did that value set that she imparted to us. Right. To answer your question directly. It is more just me. I just kind of spontaneous all. Yeah. All of it is.

Okay. So when you say your aunt, what can you tell me more about that? Like, what is it that w what's the digging deep she could do? She.

Whenever we would go out to this, to the river where we called it magic cabin. We did our family, um, like family reunions there once a year. And it was really special for. Uh, us because we lived in Indiana and the rest of my family lived in Washington and Idaho, and this place is in Northern Idaho and we got to do it every, every summer.

Like we went out there, spent a week out there. Uh, we are really close with that group, that family, my, my mom's family. Um, and every time that we showed up, she would be intentional about sitting down. One-on-one. With each cousin and just, uh, and then following up on things, right? Like whether that was a text message or a call or a letter before we all had phones in our pockets, uh, she gave her time and energy, uh, to invest in others.

Um, whether it was letting you know, every, almost every cousin got married. And that's, you know, that's a lot of work to have 80 people out of the house. And then like, you're like even just the septic system. Good Lord. Right. Uh, but for her, that was her love language. Like she, she invested with time and energy and it's, that is, it's easy to say.

It's so difficult to do and be intentional about it. Then she did it for, with everyone. Like I learned through her Memorial. That was normal. And I was telling, uh, we were taught, we were, we were talking about it earlier. Tiffany and I, and my cousin, like has been reading her journals. She kept a journal since she was like 15.

And she was talking about all that stuff when she was in high school, like, it'd be 16, 17 years old. Wow. It was just something that she was always striving for. Understanding in others that, uh, does not come naturally to most people. So a part of me does want to know, can you talk to me because I don't really know.

I didn't get that information from you yet. What, what you may have liked about it, what you didn't like about it? What, what was uncomfortable? What, uh, what was insightful? Like help me out on that perspective, what that was like for you? Um, I really enjoyed the, the framing of the third person, like speaking in third person and humanizing fear.

That was just really insightful in general. Right. And, you know, I do, I mean, I think you and I even talked about this after the interview, but we did dig a little bit too much into the face side in my opinion. But as you said, you know, not digging deep as part of my problem. Right. Um, I like even the, even the faith state or the faith statement.

Good Lord. The fear statement. Um, it helps it out. Like I did it and, but it, but what was interesting was my, my fear statement changed. Throughout the interview process, not, not our interview, but throughout my conversations with these, with people. Um, and as I was telling other people about it, like what I'm going through and whether that was coworkers or my parents and my wife, it's like the fear statement evolved and it evolved into a, um, not a negative, which I think mine was, fuck you.

Right. I think that was my first name. And it evolved, it evolved into. Uh, I G I get to deal with this. Um, now my fear statement is what would Wendy do? My aunt. Um, but, but it, but it shift it, uh, it reframed it into, into more positive. I think that's, what's so powerful about it. I would have never thought of it that way.

If we hadn't had that first conversation and I hadn't had just, even, you probably could have done it in 30 minutes, just through understanding how to hear it, and then speaking to it and making it real, making it truth, and then dealing with it. Where do you find yourself using it the most? What would Wendy do?

W where, where do you find yourself using that? Like when does that come up? Have you noticed what's interesting. Is that.

I don't find myself thinking about fear that often, which is really odd. And I don't know if that's just because I have like a re the reality distortion field where I'm just ignoring it. I don't think it ever goes away. But, um, so, you know, in conversations with people, like, when do you, wouldn't just ask you, um, How are you and then leave.

And I do that all the time. You know, she, she, she approached it where she wanted to learn something or know something before she stepped away from any conversation, which sometimes. Sometimes it was annoying. Cause you, you, you know, sometimes you just don't, you know, you don't want to have those conversations.

And I, and it's painful for me to even say that, that it was annoying sometimes, but that is where I'm using it. The most is to say, all right, in this certain situation, whether it's a one-on-one with a teammate or play with my kids or whatever, Um, it's more of a framing of what she would do, not necessarily how she, how she would react to fear.

What would Wendy do? Well, man, why do you have to make that sound? Like what would Jesus do?

I was kind of, to be honest with you, I was waiting for you to say.

Like when is this dude going to get religious on me and do that to me? Www D when do you do, uh, so, um, yeah, man, I, I really appreciate, um, you know, your participation. Um, I really appreciate, um, you know, just the feedback. It helps me when I'm, when I'm doing this process. And I'm a part of what I like to do when I talked to people that have gone through this.

Kind of share that extraordinary experience that, you know, on my, from my perspective, uh, you know, we've talked a little bit about it, but as externalization, I get to see the separation of a human being totally from their fear. And, um, so talking to you, it just w one of the things that I really enjoyed is it became clear sometimes what happens when you do this, like motives are what people really want to happen, come out and, uh, I don't know, man, it just became clear how much.

Um, you, you really care for people and want to give back. Um, and it it's like a motive that you have. So, you know, the, a part of me was digging right about like where that comes from and part of why I'm doing that. Kyle and the thing with faith is because you don't like to necessarily go deep. Uh, it was clear.

Fear was telling you that what would happen if. To you, if you went deep, what you might see, right? Yeah. And so that's why it was very important that I could, you know, highlight that what fear is hiding. If you go deep, is that Kyle, uh, there's a part of Kyle that is just him. Uh, Mr. Rogers, good person, Mr.

Rogers. It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. And what's ironic to me is that's what you're doing on LinkedIn. Like I come across something and see LinkedIn is Kyle being a nice guy, uh, communicating with people, getting them to, you know, see simple things in work that could be helpful that are not helpful.

And it became clear. That's what fear was hiding. It was like, it was telling you, Hey, Kyle. Is there some stores just spacing it's facing reality or at least the re the real, uh, what's what, and, and I, you know, I think that I have reframed a lot and it's been a very powerful. But there's, you know, it never, the work never ends.

And, uh, and that's, and that is variable. So Kyle, I'm going to leave you with this or all right. Cause this is my job is what I do for a living. Right. Um, if you want to still, um, go down the journey of going deeper. Um, a part of that is, uh, that, that, uh, therapeutic process, um, uh, the, the thing I did challenge you about is that, uh, it was very deep when you talked about family and I know your sons one day are gonna want deeper parts of you.

Uh, your kids are gonna want deeper parts of you. So it is important that as you grow, and I love what you said about the reframing. Cause it's, it's like, as you. Uh, evolve your fear statement evolved, right? So that, that, that part of you, that debt part, because the other, the last thing I want to say is I saw that that's what you want to do.

You wanted to, uh, have the ability to have deeper conversations sometimes, uh, whether you're engaging with people or you have questions, but that fear would keep you from doing that. So, um, make sure to keep pushing yourself. Uh, in that area because what you're going to find there, man is some pretty good stuff, man.

It's probably a corny dude with a sweater on man, like,

oh, I hope so. I hope

it took me a while to get through this journey, but I, I think that, uh, I'm glad that Tiffany asked me to do it because it, it was, um, whenever you can experienced something that teaches you. A little bit more about yourself. It's valuable and it's rare that because we're moving so quickly all the time and it's really hard to be present.

And it's hard to take time to fully, to think, to be still this, this process has helped me at least think through some of that.

My observations of Kyle through the process. When we met the first time in person, after he had done his fear interview, he was still very guarded. It was like we are doing a marketing thing together was more the energy that he brought. And when we were doing some, just like post audio reflection on his fear during.

I had this kind of intuition moment where I realize every time we kind of got close to an issue that was real, Kyle would deflect it with humor or he'd laugh, or he kind of like try to in a very congenial way kind of distract the conversation. And my intuition was pricked of like he's deflecting. And in that moment, I had a choice to make of like, am I going to run into the roar here and call him on this and kind of push him into the process or is that going to piss him off?

And he's going to be like, Hey look, this whole thing is on my terms. And I chose the former. I said, Hey Kyle, can I share an observation with you? We don't have to include this as part of. Your journey, but I'm experiencing every time we get close to a real situation or a real conversation, or a real issue that you deflect it, that you kind of steer the car back towards the center of the road.

And I don't think there were, that's where the real work is going to be done. And. How does that serve you? How does that show up in your life? How does that impact relationships that you have? And for me, that was a nudge where Kyle began to understand this. Isn't something that's going to happen to him.

He's going to have to really make a decision of whether or not he's going to choose to engage his conscious awareness in this process. Or not. And I'm really thankful. I think it was really beautiful to see Kyle explore some things that were really hard and painful and at the surface scary. And to experience him at the end, I think more liberated from those fears than he was at the beginning.

And for all of us, it's a journey. But to hear him say, I know I'll be a better leader. I know I can be more present. I know I'm going to be more intention. In a way to honor my aunt's life with the relationships and people around me and having real meaningful conversation and connection may at the end of the day, that's what this whole thing is about, about impact.

And I'm excited to see what. Continues to do from here.

As we launched Kyle's fear journey, we are doing a wrap on season two. We learned a lot as, um, kind of a new podcast or I'm really growing and appreciation that this is such a creative process of discovering. What do you want to say? And what do you observe in the world and how do you use story and experience to.

Distinctly help other people on their journey. So thank you for those who have been listening this season. I really appreciate it in the show notes. Actually, there's a link for feedback. We'd love to know. What do you want more of? What do you want less of? Do you want more episodes, less episodes? What are the ones that really resonated with you or do you wish they were a little longer, a little shorter?

Um, You know, I, I do this for two reasons. I think one is, it's a bit of a audio diary for me so that I can remember what I've experienced. And the second is that I really want my journey, my experiences, my, her, my victories, my life experiences, to be able to help people who are pursuing a similar path. To people who are pursuing a passionate life filled with many, many.

And so if you have like, it's like three to five minutes, I think to complete it, you can do it on your phone, go to the show notes and click on the link. We'd love to hear your feedback so that we can get better at. Just sharing the content you went to here.

We're going to have a little bridge into season three, season three. We'll start in January, but we've got some surprises planned for you here through the holiday season. So certainly continue to tune in season three is really going to be focused on. The stories and conversations with senior executive women.

I have had some really interesting conversations over the last three months. As I share that I'm on this journey of living a life scared, confident, it has opened up some really special conversations, I'd say in private, you know, over lunches, over coffee in small group settings. And I want to take some of those conversations and a few others that have.

I have been just really wanting to bring into this conversation of how do you, as a woman or a spouse of a woman with many, many dreams, how do you really assemble all of the pieces so that you can passionately live a life of? And, and that has really my. I'd say kind of like brand statement for the third season, as I've thought about the fact that, you know, I'm, I am Tiffany and I am a wife and I am a mom and I am an entrepreneur and I am a CEO and I'm a board member and I'm an investor and I'm a podcaster and I'm a business owner.

There were times when my mind wanted to make. Much, fewer ans, but my heart and passion wanted there to be so many things I was doing. And so for others who have the cry of their heart to live a life of many ans I'm going to have some just rich conversations with executive women, senior executives, senior leaders who.

I would say, have a similar place in life to me, but we all have slightly different journeys. So I'm going to be learning from them, excited for you to be listening in on those conversations as well. So that's, what's going to be happening in the first quarter of 2022. I hope you're ending this year strong that you're taking some time, this holiday season to be intentional about what your ans.

Should be what you want them to be in 2022, and maybe in some intentional decisions about the distractions that you wanted to remove from your life, so that you could be more focused as always, if there's anything that we can do to help with this questions that you have, that we can answer, never hesitate to reach out.

I'm a text away 3 1 7 3 5 0 8 9 2 1 3 1 7 3 5 0 8 9 2 1. Thanks for listening.

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