How do I stand tall when asked to be small?

I'm your host, Tiffany Sauder. And this is Scared Confident. I was recently at an event where I was asked to speak on a panel and there was a room full of tables with women at them. And so I thought what a great opportunity to go up and ask them if. Where to ask me a question, what would it be? So I did that.

I went to a couple of tables and I said, you heard a little bit about what I do is scare confident. And the people that I'm trying to reach, those who are really trying to figure out to career homes, oftentimes wrestling this idea of their professional self, their personal self and their families. And so what questions do you have for me?

So I'm going to cover a few of those. One of the questions I was asked is how. Do you take control of the room? Because I, the person who was asking this question, it was always asked to be small, was always kind of like, Hey, you're a girl, sit in the back of the room. And I thought this is a great question.

As I reflected on kind of my perspective on this, I think there's two pieces to it. One is like your physical presence. That's like one place that we can feel like small or big. And then the other is just the mental confidence to step into your own ideas, with a level of confidence and certainty that gives you the courage to like open your mouth and actually say the words.

So I thought of three things. One when I was like young, young, young, you know, 25, 26, 27, I was very aware of the way that I physically presented myself because I knew I was young. I wanted to present myself in a way that was big. And so I would wear a lot of bright colors. I would not shy away from like a crazy print shirt or dress at all.

I would wear things that were kind of loud and big. I also like almost exclusively wore heels. For me that made me feel more confident. And so that was part of the way that I sort of like practiced it physically. And then I wore my hair back. I still wear my hair back all the time, partially because it's easier, but also partially so that it was never like I was hiding behind my hair.

I wanted to be able to be like really present. And those were ways that I physically practiced manifesting this idea of confidence. I wore bright colors. I am tall and I made myself taller. And so those were ways that I practice confidence in the physical sense so that my spirit would begin to naturally follow it.

Other things that I did, I don't know that these were, that I knew then that these were so connected to my ability to be able to show up kind of big in a room, but finding a trusted mentor. Whether they're called a mentor or just somebody that's like really rooting for you in your life to have them help you see yourself, like objectively your talents and your ideas, because it is hard when you're on your growth journey to know.

What your specialness is. If somebody isn't helping to play that back to you, like you're really good at that. Like that was an exceptional idea. Like how did you take those two ingredients and make that out of it? We all need a feedback loop that helps us know where our brains are special, where our talents are like.

A little different than the pack. And so finding somebody that will say those words to you, honestly, for me, a lot of times it was my clients that were playing this role for me, where I was like uncovering where my brain had a really unique way of thinking. So that can certainly help you step more confidently into yourself and making yourself big.

And the last thing is to remember that we reveal what we know in the questions that we ask, not in. Statements we make. And so if you're trying to make yourself big, I don't know, like impressive or step into a room, start with questions. It's a great place to start with relationship. It's a way for you to sometimes test your own hypothesis in your minds and you reveal what you know, in the depth and quality of the questions that you're able to ask somebody on a particular topic.

So. Remember, start with asking good questions. That can be a really easy entrance into how you begin to learn, create relationships and have more confidence speaking out, not in blurting your opinion, but in confidently stepping in and asking really good questions. I hope this helps as you start to figure out how to take control of the room.

Because maybe you were asked to be small as you were growing up and today life is asking you to stand tall. My mission for scare confident is to help women confidently pursue a life of, and, and I want to be available to you. I'm passionate about vulnerably, stepping into my stories so that it can help women.

This is about creating. I wish I had as I was going through this journey. So if you have questions, comments, or feedback, I'd love to hear from you. Text me at 3 1 7 3 5 0 8 9 2 1.

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