Tiffany Sauder: I'm really excited to share this conversation with you. I sat down with Kyler Mason. He's the president of Elementary and his wife, Morgan. And I wanted to test an idea that I had, which was what if I find other couples and two career homes and ask them a series of questions and see if we can't solve live some of the things that are it. Like their biggest issues you know, kind of like taking the most amount of space in their heads, in their home, in their relationship, like, you know, the things that, you know, you're kind of walking around and, they offered to be my guinea pigs. I wasn't sure if it would work, if it would be kind of a hot mess, how the conversation would go.And so, as you do, when you're trying to test a new idea, you bring people in that, you know, already love you. So. Kyler and Morgan offered to be my guinea pig. And I loved this format. we got into some things that I know are universal to, to career homes, things you're trying to solve. Like, how do you find enough time for yourself?

How do you find space for your own hobbies? How do you figure out the way that you support your partner in the way that they like to rest and recharge? And they're in the thick of it. They have a Two boys, one is 22 months old and one is three months old. Like they are in it. And I just love how they're so rooting for one another.

I love how they're really solving towards one another and they were really real and vulnerable. So I'm excited to share this conversation with you and I know that you're going to pick up some breadcrumbs of how you can help your two career home work a little bit more. like smoothly so that you can sustainably pursue a life of and thank you Kyla and Morgan for being my guinea pigs.

This is an awesome conversation. Listen in.

Intro to Morgan and Kyler-background, childhoods and jobs

Tiffany Sauder: Okay. Morgan and Kyler. let's talk about the ages of your kids Wells is how old? He will be two

Morgan Mason: January.

Tiffany Sauder: Oh my word. They're so close together. I can't even stand it. I know. Okay. Wells is not quite two. They're just twins. Yeah. and Baker?

Morgan Mason: He just turned

Tiffany Sauder: three months. Okay, so there's so little. Yes. So little. So little.And you're back to work. Mm hmm. And how long was your maternity

Morgan Mason: leave? Uh, so I took eight off fully, and then I was part time for about 4 and then I went back full time the week before Okay, so, very new.

Tiffany Sauder: Yes. Back into the groove of things. And you work every day? I do. Um, and some of it's in the home. Just give a quick overview of kind of your schedule, and then, Kyler, you work outside the home all the time. Yeah, yeah. Or like, you leave the house every day. I'm gone.

Morgan Mason: Right. Um,I have the option to work from home up to three days a Um, but because of. our situation my boss actually is allowing me to work from home full time until January. those other two days I'm in the office, but,  I kind of have the flexibility to decide what that like. Uh,are times I'm out in schools, um, or at different events, but for the most part. The majority of the week I can But, Wells is normally at daycare, Baker will start at daycare which makes it a little bit

Tiffany Sauder: easier. So your situation is Baker just isn't in a spot right? Yeah, right.

Morgan Mason: We couldn't get a spot in the daycare until January, so. And they'll go

Tiffany Sauder: to the same daycare? Yes. Once they go? Yes. Um, so Kyler, what time do you usually leave the house and what time do you usually get home?

Kyler Mason: When I leave is different all the time. I'll leave at at 6 a. m. Sometimes I'll leave at like 8 15 at the latest usually and I'm usually home like Between 5 and 6 and sometimes a little bit later, but my preference is to work early if I have a lot to do

Tiffany Sauder: Okay, then another question for both of you what did it look like when you were growing up Did either parent stay home with you?

Morgan Mason: So, I am the oldest of five my mom stayed home with us. That was something that was really important to them. They valued that. And now as adult, I realize how big of a sacrifice that was for them, um, because my dad worked so much in order for them be able to do that. And my mom. saysshe would never regret it.  I remember my dad being gone a lot, growing up,but Isaid, that's something that was really important to them, and, and I loved my mom being home with us.

Tiffany Sauder: Did you think you would stay home with your kids? Because Your mom

Morgan Mason: did? I did. And there was even a time right after Wells born that Kyler and I talked about it. Like, financially can we do this? Does this make sense for our family? And then about four or five month mark, I realized that I did not want to home full time. I missed working and I missed using my brain in a different way. but I also knew that the job that I currently had in a school wasn't to be sustainable for, not only what I wanted, but going to work best for our Because you

Tiffany Sauder: were in a classroom at that point,

Morgan Mason: right? I wasn't in the I had left the classroom because I knew that was  thing I realized very quickly. I don't think I can be the best teacher while also being a mom. Um, so I was instructional coach, so I didn't have a classroom of own, but I still was working those school hours, if not more hours, because I was part of leadership team. So I was there by like 7 a. m. most days, and If was lucky, I'd leave by 435 and then The school I was at was at was 30 from our house. So that left maybe two hours with Welles

Tiffany Sauder: at the end of the day.  I was

Kyler Mason: just gonna say you aren't comfortable with Welles being a daycare for almost 11 hours. That's one of the reasons why you wanted to make the move.

Tiffany Sauder: Of like, of your job. It was like a systematic change you guys made to say, this is like tipping into my values. And so I've got to make a change. I can complain about it or I can change

Morgan Mason: it. Yeah, absolutely. And so I just started looking. I was like, there's got to be something else out there, that fits what I want as far as my career goes, but I can better help us sustain what was important to me as far as our family was

Tiffany Sauder: concerned. And Kyler, how about you when you were a kid? did your mom work?

Kyler Mason: My mom had like Probably like four different situations where she was either, she was always working but. I probably wouldn't have known she was working when I was probably like 6 to, I don't know, 11, 12.

She was just there all the time. She had a job where she could work from home. She was before her time. Yeah, that was so wild. She sold advertising space for a magazine, and could just do that from home. But there's, there's like no way she got anything done. there is no way she got anything done.

She had a great boss, a great company. Um, and she Worked there for a long time. So I think that earned her some flexibility and then she went full time

Um, Back to just a normal job Probably when we were old enough to just like take care of ourselves and then my dad he was a small business owner so he He did what small business owners? Yeah, he had flexibility. Yeah, but what he had an office that he went to and He worked a lot of hours, but he also had flexibility to come to baseball games and help out as needed, which was nice.

Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. Well, I think the backdrop is helpful because I'm like you, Morgan, like I didn't picture being a working mom and I didn't grow up in a template of it. Like, what does this look like? How do you make this happen? And I think there's something about. I've only been raised in a stay at home mom environment but there's pieces of that you want to bring forward into your own family that make you feel like I'm doing the family thing. Like this is what I thought it'd look like, this is what I loved and my memories, but your existence is like totally different and so how do you make that stuff happen?

Reactive vs. Proactive exercise

Tiffany Sauder: So, JR and I go through this exercise Where we talk about seasons where we're very reactive in our home and just like existence and times when it's like, Hey, you know, like we're doing it. Like it has being proactive. individually you have to write your numbers down and then we'll share. But like, where would you guys say you are? And you've still have a baby. It's like sleeping through the night or not yet. He actually pretty consistently. Pants fit and your baby sleeps. Who are you? You know, I've been telling everyone that I it after my first. Yeah, it's true. well it was terrible.

Morgan Mason: Well

Tiffany Sauder: Wels is not a good baby.

He's

Kyler Mason: still not a big fan of sleeping.

Tiffany Sauder: so scale of one to ten. One is we're very reactive. Ten is proactive. And reactive to me sounds like it's dinner time and we're looking at each other like what are we going to eat?

Like, we're Digging in the bin for like a black shirt that still hasn't been washed. or my car ran out of gas, or That's what I mean by like reactive and proactive. You know what that looks like. So where would you guys individually say your households are right now? And it's not judge, judgment zone. It's just like, I'm just curious. It's an interesting exercise for us. Well, if you won't cheat off each other, that's the purpose of writing it down.

Kyler Mason: I'll go first. I, I would say 10 is, um, proactive. Um, I'd say 7. Okay, I

Morgan Mason: was gonna say Wow.

Tiffany Sauder: So Yeah, you're in range for sure. You're in range for sure. Where do you think the lowest you guys have been on that? Like, is that pretty standard for you to maintain that?

Morgan Mason: My personality I struggle If get behind on things and if there's not routine Structure place. Mm-Hmm. . So I feel like I don't I don't do well if it gets below a five

Kyler Mason: mm-Hmm.

and I could be chilling at

Tiffany Sauder: Yeah. So does that create tension?

Kyler Mason: Yeah, I just like respect and know that this is

Morgan Mason: good for her. Yeah, And we've kind of had to relearn, especially adding kids into the mix What that looks like. but there are some nights, like you said, that no idea what we're going to for dinner, but have thought about that at some point during the day.

Like, I don't have a plan, there's nothing in the fridge, are we going to order takeout? Like, it's on my mind, even I don't have it planned out.

Tiffany Sauder: out.

Morgan Mason: Mm

Tiffany Sauder: hmm. Mm hmm.

Totally. Yeah, because you know it's got to have to, people have to eat. Yeah, they have to eat. okay, let's go through these questions. we'll see what happens.

Question 1: What is one thing you dread on your in home to-do list

Tiffany Sauder: okay. So for people listening, there's six questions on the sheet of paper. I had, Morgan and Kyler separately answer them. and we'll see what comes of it. I don't know. So the first question is, what's one thing you do right now in the home that you hate or dread when it's on your to do list?

Morgan, you're just gonna go first, yeah. I

Morgan Mason: would say laundry, because it's never ending. Yeah. I know, it's just one of those things stresses me out and I hate the process of,

washing it and then drying it and then having to fold it, and then

Tiffany Sauder: it away.

Morgan Mason: Yep.

Kyler Mason: have this stupid washer and dryer that is one, it's a washer and dryer and one.

Tiffany Sauder: beaker. Were there like

eight of those built on the planet as they tested them? You have, it's one unit. It's

Kyler Mason: the, it is the worst thing ever.

Morgan Mason: Yeah,

Tiffany Sauder: Is

there only one hookup in your house? Like, is there a way to, it?

There's one in the basement That

Morgan Mason: we could

Tiffany Sauder: add regular So far away. I feel like it's like the I feel like it's

like a Jetsons things at home. So

Kyler Mason: last night I was about to throw another load in cause I do that every once in a while. Cause it's. Very helpful to her. And, I was like, is the laundry done? And it was on its fifth hour.

Morgan Mason: Like it takes forever to

Kyler Mason: do a load.

And the timer, you can see it on there, it's like, finish, gotta finish washing, and it turns to mode. Oh my word! So, like, a load takes five hours.

Tiffany Sauder: That's

Yes. Okay. Yeah. Yes. Laundry is

your thing. That is your thing. Okay. Um, what's yours, Kyler?

Kyler Mason: I don't like it when it's on my to-do list 'cause I like it organized.

But getting all of our like bills and finances organized regularly, so if it sits there too long, I get anxious,

Morgan Mason: which he fully does all of that.

Tiffany Sauder: I read Wall Street Journal article that

said every household needs a COO and a C ffo. Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. . And like you can tell you're the COO and you're the cfo.

That's the same, I would say division of labor in our house too. But when you think about your role through that capacity of like, okay, I'm the chief operating officer of this place and I've got to make sure laundry's done, food is on the table, the house is clean, the kids are where they need to go. To me, I started thinking about it as  there's a lot of different activities that are being managed.

And when I think about it being a leader and administrator of those instead of like a victim to, it was like a very empowering thought process I thought.

Morgan Mason: Yeah,especially after second baby, I kind of that  victim mentality for a while when it it came the household chores and just keeping up on everything. And I was like, man, I got to figure out a different way

to look at this because I'm getting annoyed every day for

things, and they're not gonna go away. Um, and so I started listening to audiobooks I did them. And that has completely changed. Yes, I still don't look forward to them, but I'm not like, because I have, I'm just listening to a

a book and just getting through them. Totally.

Tiffany Sauder: And I think when you,

tell people I'm so busy with all the things I've chosen. Like I chose to be a mom. I chose to get married. I chose to live in this house. I chose to have this company. Like I picked all that stuff, like why did we grow up, say yes to all this stuff, and then crumble through it all. Like, what? This is like, cannot be who we are.

Creating new systems and minimums to help get it done

Tiffany Sauder: one of my hypotheses about this conversation is like taking this issue of like getting all the bills organized. Why does that get annoying? And is there a process that you can put in place to say this is the system I maintain so that it's done the level of the quality that makes me feel comfortable. There's a frequency that makes me not feel behind and there's a decision we've made together to make sure that he has the Time to do that.

how do you take this thing that I'm dreading or I'm hating and functionally think about what's a system or process or choices I can make around this so that it goes from the number one thing that's taking negative energy, which is like permeates. Is there, there used to be, there used to be a system before. Okay, this is actually

Kyler Mason: relevant. Oh, totally.

uh, it's still on our calendar. There's, we have a, a, is it monthly or weekly?

It's weekly. A weekly,   since we had, since Wells, we were

no longer consistent with having our like weekly budget meeting. and that was an attempt at just like the proactivity and accountability for just keeping the stuff organized. Um, we haven't done it. We've probably talked in the past.

month about having this meeting, like six times and we

Tiffany Sauder: have not done it. Okay, so let's talk about this. So when you were married without kids, your minimum of once a week worked. Mostly, yeah. Sustainable. Yeah, you you hit it probably with eighty five percent, like, so then you had. kids, you add a new dynamic, new complexity into it, new tasks and suddenly the minimum changes from once a week to never.

Like, accidentally, because deciding to move it to once a month or once a quarter felt like only slackers do that. it's

a weird psychological thing that happens of like doing less than what I did before is failing and so I'm not gonna make a new choice. I'm gonna just let it fall apart. And then you reach a minimum that's like almost embarrassing to admit. Like we haven't had a conversation about this for 22 months as well, but

a psychological thing that happens. I've seen it in my own life. When it was just Jaron, I worked out a lot. Right. but that minimum does not extrapolate into the existence and complexity. It is my life today that by the way I've chosen, you know what I mean? So, let's go through this exercise. Your minimum of once a week. Maybe once the boys are older you can re choose that. Yeah,

so what could you choose? what could you replace between once a week and never? What could you choose?

Kyler Mason: Well, the time of the week is important. So it's, it says on our calendar, Tuesdays at 6 30 or 7 am. Yeah. Is never going to happen.

Tiffany Sauder: Feels optimistic, but who am I? Well, before

Kyler Mason: it was so easy.

Tiffany Sauder: Before

Morgan Mason: Before a toddler that

Tiffany Sauder: up

Kyler Mason: at 5. Because we got up, we've always always got up early. But,

yeah. I mean, you're not going to have a budget meeting with a crazy human

um, running around.around. So, I don't know. Sundays at nap time. Once every month would be like A big change from zero.

Morgan Mason: Sundays at nap time once a month was exactly what I was thinking too. Because, It's not realistic to say Sunday during nap

time because there's other things that are on list, but once a

Kyler Mason: month I feel like we could. I mean nap time is a big deal so, like choosing an hour once a month takes away from a workout, going to the store, or something. So yeah, it's. At one point I had in my mind, I was like, I'm just going to make Morgan accountable for the meeting because she's proactive and we will do it because if I am accountable to making sure we do it, I'll just be like, we'll do it next time. Yeah, that's true. Like her as you were saying,

COO.

Tiffany Sauder: How long are naps usually? At

Morgan Mason: best, two hours. Um, usually, we can usually get a good hour and a half at least, um, but that's now with the baby nap

gods are in our favor and those naps line up, then we have that time, but we

not also have that full two hours. based on when Baker goes down

Solving by 'Forcing Function'

Tiffany Sauder: this next step might not be practical, but one of the ideas I had was The budget meeting is probably fun, but also maybe sort of not fun. And so what if on first Sunday of every month you took that nap time period? Cause it's not taking away from quality time with the boys. You got to sit there for two hours. So somebody just had to scream their head off. It doesn't take away from your  commitment to each other. It's like one hour we go work out together at one hour we have our budget meeting. We've done something fun and productive for ourselves. We've done our budget meeting. That's important for the long term health of your family. And your peace of mind and you knowing, I'm operating inside of the lanes of what we can afford. You want to be an agent for that. Right. This cost us 30. We did something really important for us, for our relationship, but That's a good idea. Yeah, that's a great idea. Okay, look what happened. We just took your number one frustration. I think this is

like

Kyler Mason: a thing. Well, the fact of organizing and paying for a babysitter is like, I don't know, it does something to force you to do it too.

Tiffany Sauder: Forcing function. And literally be like, I need you to come on the first Sunday of every month, 12 months.

That's what I need. I'm not hiring one every time. It's the same. It's two to four.

It forces it. Yeah. I like it. Then you leave, and then you do the thing, and then you go have fun, and Mm hmm.

Kyler Mason: How great. We're not working out together, but we'll do the budget meeting together.

Tiffany Sauder: Could you take a walk in a park?

Morgan Mason: I like the idea of doing something together. Yeah, go play

if we went and got a a cup of coffee somewhere. Yeah. Something that makes.budget meeting itself

Tiffany Sauder: Yeah, not a penalty.  okay, was that helpful?

Oh yeah. Might you that? It It really was. Um. I I think we will do that.

You guys even have moms close. Your mom would probably do it one Sunday a month. Yeah. okay.

Question 2: What is one thing that you wish would happen more consistently in your home now that doesn't?

Tiffany Sauder: What is one thing you wish would happen more consistently in your home right now that doesn't?

Kyler Mason: We both said the thing we just talked about. Oh,

Tiffany Sauder: yeah. Great. Yeah. Amazing. So we just did two things.

the budget meeting. You said that. Yeah. That's so great. Okay.

okay.

Question 3: It pisses me off when my spouse...

Tiffany Sauder: This is, it pisses me off in my spouse.

Morgan Mason: I said when he prioritizes priorities.that's something I'm

Tiffany Sauder: working on.So

Morgan Mason: what's an example?

So, for example, again, these are things that I don't see priorities. It doesn't mean they're not he will have a lot of yard work and things do outside.

And I will say, like, stuff doesn't matter as much as what's going on

and what we need to prioritize inside. He disagrees, which I'm like, okay, I see your. Point view too, so I'm working at trying to to

Tiffany Sauder: be better about

Morgan Mason: that. Mm hmm.

Tiffany Sauder: Yep. Okay, go ahead. What's

yours?

Kyler Mason: Um, totally different. Uh,

this may be a recency bias. but when Morgan says something that suggests, like, will you please help in a tone, I, like, lose my shit a little bit. Not actually out loud, I'm just like, what? Yeah, inside. Um The other day, you were walking down the stairs and you had both boys, which is a handful. But she said like, help me in a tone that was like, like, I never get any help. And I'm like, come on.And we talked about it afterward. I was like, that really bugs me when you say, say

Morgan Mason: it like that.And so then I had to explain that that was not my intent at all. My, my reaction or my in that moment was I'm while I was in this independent, I'm going go down the stairs by myself stage I had Baker in one hand, he spit up all over the stairs and so I'm to get them both safely down the stairs. And so in the moment I'm wait, please help me. And it definitely

came off like,

Tiffany Sauder: Like, you're doing anything down there. Literally never anything. I'm like

Kyler Mason: doing the dishes he yells it. And it and I'm like

Tiffany Sauder: so had to, we

Morgan Mason: had to communicate that. And I feel like that was, that

was growth for us, because even a year ago, few months ago We might have just been annoyed at other for like two hours and then talked it, but right

in the moment we were like, all right, let's this out, because that wasn't

what it was supposed to be at all. know

Tiffany Sauder: Well, I think you probably said the thing right now even Morgan when you're like, I just felt overwhelmed And, like, I'm at max capacity. I don't know what you're doing, but you have two arms. And I just want to get myself out of this feeling. Or at least have you joined me in the suck. Like, yeah. Like gonna

Kyler Mason: fall. I was trimming the hedges outside with my shears. You weren't, you weren't. No, I'm just making

Tiffany Sauder: fun of the things. Yeah, that she hates. Okay.let's go to that actually because I think I might have some Life experience that can be helpful with this. So you said he prioritizes the things I don't see as priorities specifically stuff outside so Let's talk. So Kyler why

do you? Like want to do the yard things  what

compels you to? Like, go outside and do the outside things.

my hairdresser said to me once that people who work with their hands, rest with their minds and people who work with their minds, rest with their hands, which I think is to me was a massive unlock. I'm a mind thinker. And so I love to chop my vegetables and like it's super Tactile

and that's very restful for me. Yeah. So one could be, you are a mind worker. And so the way that you rest with your hands is like, Cutting the bushes. It's just like cathartic.

Kyler Mason: I do like doing it sometimes. I'd say like probably toward the beginning of when like you have to do yard work in, in the year. Um, like right in the spring, I'm like, this is cool. but I don't know, August through the end of the year, I'm like, this is annoying.  And I like, I just like, have to do it just like we have to do laundry. Um, I think about it like that. I don't think Morgan thinks about it like that. I'm like, I'm, it is not acceptable for the grass to be knee high or something like that. Or for there to be, like, weeds everywhere. Um, so, I just, I go do it during nap time or something like that. and sometimes I do like it. I'll, like, listen to a podcast or something like that. The thing your hairdresser said, what was it?

Tiffany Sauder: people who work with their mind rest with their hands. Yeah. People who work with their hands rest with their minds. Yeah,

Kyler Mason: I, Um, I very much like to cook. I like, I do like to do like projects and work outside. Like that's very, um, relaxing to me. So, um, when I, when I feel like I can't afford the time, I think I enjoy it more when I'm like, when the kids are running around like crazy and she's got to like take care of them by herself. Um, I'm usually just like try to get whatever I'm doing done as fast as possible and just come right back.

So it's does not. So

Tiffany Sauder: think this is what I've learned with JR. So similar in the sense of JR and Kyler are both knowledge workers. You are too. And they're in very senior leadership roles, which means all day long. There's just people who need things from them and it's like this outpouring and JR on top of it travels a lot and So I would get Kind of pissed that like all day long you get to do what you Want to and then when you come home? I would like like your help and I started to realize this also has to be a place where he can rest And my version of rest is doing tasks. Like picking and putting and decorating the hearth and making some lasagna and like doing stuff that look like serving the family but if I'm honest they're like my hobbies. you know what I I mean? But I like can wear them as like, well I've been cooking and it's like and I love it if I'm honest, you know. In his hobbies and his rejuvenation Don't actually even look like yard work, which actually looks pretty productive. It's like golfing on Fridays with his friends. And I used to get annoyed at that. And I realized, like, that is part of his rest and recharge. It's part of Him being his best at the thing that is most serving our family. It's most serving who we're trying to become. It's most serving the choices we've made as a family. Now I have a choice to make. I can be like, my husband totally golfs on Friday morning. He gets, it's the first tee time. He's done by 10 30. It gives him a chance to connect with people that are like fun and he can like have an inside joke with and like not just be Business JR or dad Jr. Those are like the two roles his life affords, But he needs more complexity. Like we all need more complexity than that in our lives. And so I started to realize it's not about the golf. It's that he needs a place to like, something is filling him up. That doesn't mean that we suck and he hates being home and like, butthere's not like a bunch of Boys. He can like, go play football, whether or not, you know, like, He's to go be with boys. And okay. We don't even like, know how to talk about football with him. You know what I mean? But I had to like, realize that's a reality of our life, that's a reality of who he is and the way he rests and recharges looks different than mine. And so how do I support creating the capacity he needs to be able to rest and recharge? If he's Golf for a couple hours on Friday morning, sometimes that means on Saturday he has to like read some contracts or do some that are like his work time, you know, not related to everybody else in a meeting. And so I know that it sometimes spills over in the spring, summer, and fall. And he's got a couple hours of stuff he needs to do on Saturday, not because he went and golfed with his buddies instead of being with his family, which can become the, like, you know, like narrative in your brain. It's like, that's, I know what he needs. And so one of the conversations potentially for you guys to have is if two hours

of yard work a week. On these months is like what you want. How do you create that capacity for him? So that is restful. How do you figure out together? Can we outsource 70 percent of it so that the pieces of it that you're doing are less time? Or for you guys to work towards, And this is like where the budget meeting starts to come in. It's what would it cost for us to outsource this? When will we be there, financially, and is that a priority for us, like of what we're working towards? And if so, then that means you get two more hours a week of Kyler. And of dad, and of help, But like, beginning to see it as his ecosystem of how do you support him being healthy?

and like what his recharge looks like. How do you actually go to the place where you start protecting that time for him? Because you know it's important and if there's parts of it that you need to outsource because it's taking more time than you want to do too, how do you start to put that into some of your financial goals?

Kyler Mason: Um, I don't think Morgan actually thinks that that's not a priority. Like if I like start to clean the garage or something before we have like people over, she's like, why is that what you're choosing to do?

Um, and I like totally get that. I'm like, well, people might see the garage. Uh,

Morgan Mason: go grab a

Tiffany Sauder: water bottle. Yeah, that's hilarious. It doesn't

Doesn't need to be spick and span.

Kyler Mason: So, like, that's some of that kind of stuff. I, and I feel like, she's like, I would rather you not be mowing or something, outside, like, if things are crazy in the house, just at this stage, I actually feel like it's the inverse for us where, she needs, she needs that time, and needs to prioritize it Like, as a scheduled thing, we do fun things all the time, but like her alone, like she needs more of that.

Morgan Mason: Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking of too as you were talking that's something that Kyler has really helped me with is. Some of that

disgruntled feeling or like annoyance with him was because I was

Almost like, well I don't get that time prioritize what I outside of caring for the kids in the home. sowe talked about that fairly recently feel like, where he like, I've never, said no to you doing something a priority for just you like I want you to do those things and he's never made me feel that way Like, I can't do what I want to do or I can't have hobbies get together with friends.

But it's, it's a me thing. Like, I'm like, I'm not prioritizing myself and so. I

think that's

Tiffany Sauder: very normal though Morgan. I think women struggle with knowing what would I do? What would I choose? And so it becomes this unilateral like grievance. You never let me do what I want to. But I think that the truth often is that women don't know what do you want to do?

the question? I often say when people feel like I'm so out of balance, I say, well, how would you define balance? Cause we often haven't gone through the exercise of defining this is what in balance looks like for me. So now at least, you know what you're working towards versus this, like you know, unilateral grievance of it's just so out of balance.

What does balance look like for Morgan?

Tiffany Sauder: Well, what does balance look like and how can you start working towards that? Or how do you know what you're looking for? So do you know what your thing is or things like? What does having time for yourself mean to you in this stage? Yeah,

Morgan Mason: time with friends, for sure. And just like the dinners a couple times a exercise, which, I mean, currently I'm just going down in the basement using our Peloton but that's Totally, um, like I that sacred time. and then I earlier, like, audiobooks, I love to read, I love to listen to books, so I feel like that is something that I also prioritize or want to prioritize.

Kyler Mason: We talked about getting you, like, out though, like, go and get your nails done and go to Target, like, whatever, which I think you're doing better about. I think you feel less self imposed guilt about that now, after we talked, and I was like, I, like, I almost am going to make you do this.

Defining minimums

Tiffany Sauder: So it goes back to just defining minimums, like, time with my girlfriends is so important, like, what, how much, and how will you know, that you've met that, and like you can adjust them.

It's like, maybe it's literally, yeah, on another Sunday you go to Target for two hours by yourself and you spend 25 minutes trying on some silly clothes in the dressing room. Like, makes you feel like a human being, you know, just like, you're the customer of your own time. Yeah, just myself. Yeah, I think it's really important. Yeah. I encourage you to define it and then monitor, did I feel like

I got the time I needed. I know mine is working out. Mm-Hmm. . And I have to have it done when Jr's gone too. And so I've had to solve really creatively for that of like, how do I get that done? Mm-Hmm. also when he's gone. Otherwise I'm crazy when he gets back. Yeah. And I'm mad at him, you know, because he took that from me. Right. Quote unquote. Mm-Hmm. . And that's unfair. Mm-Hmm. Um, but it becomes this like narrative that becomes very destructive to our relationships. The thing we want to be, like works against all of that stuff.

so is that what you wrote down with what's one thing personally you don't have time for right now that you wish you

Morgan Mason: I exercise. Cause I feel like I try and get it in. Which I'm also fortunate, especially now working from home, like I'll 30 minutes between meetings and when the baby's napping, but yeah. it's not something that I feel like I am am consistently getting.

Tiffany Sauder: What does consistent mean?

Morgan Mason: when at my best self, to to five times

Tiffany Sauder: a week. Is that practical for this season? Um, probably

Morgan Mason: not. I've, I've been trying to prioritize at least three times a week in this season. um, but mentally I'm just a better person when I, even if I get 15 minutes of exercise.

Tiffany Sauder: Um, do you track any of that? I do. Okay. what I've

learned is, again, I can hold my 43 year old self with four kids, two of which are very involved in sports, in four different schools, with a traveling husband, with the CEO of a business, I can hold that person as accountable for disciplines that my 25 year old self had, you know, it's like, it's not, it's not a practical expectation of my life.

Okay. Unless I want to not do some other things, but I've chosen to do those things instead. So I didn't, even if you're like, Hey, between now and when Baker's in a daycare, my minimum is going to be two times on the Peloton and two 15 minute walks. You got four more weeks, and then once he's in daycare, you have more consistency, and I'm gonna move my minimum to three times on the Peloton and two 15 minute walks. But it It respects the season you're in. Instead of this, like, I know you're a high achiever, it becomes this like mental map of like, I'm just failing. Like, oh my word, I didn't get to that again. Like, oh my word, two days in a row. Like, oh my word, like five is unachievable. And I didn't even work out this week. It's like, yes, you did three times, you know? Yeah.   For me, it puts me in this failure cycle where I feel like I'm just coming from behind. In my whole life. And I don't give myself credit for all of the crap I'm actually doing. And it's a lot

Morgan Mason: that you say that because I've had conversations with myself where I'm like, Well I'm not gonna hit my that I gave myself of three times a week, So like I might as well not do I have time for. Because I'm not gonna get to three. Like that's a conversation

Tiffany Sauder: I've had with myself. Oh, a

Morgan Mason: a

Tiffany Sauder: hundred percent. And it's so silly. A hundred percent. I mean, I had like 40 pounds to lose after I had Quincy. I was 40 years

I had all this weight, And I I was like, this feels like a mountain. And it was not practical for me to work out four, five, six times a week. It wasn't practical. And so I picked two days a week, which felt like the lamest effort I could imagine.

against this thing, but I was like, I think I could do it 50 weeks a year. Yeah. So the, the minimum is not what you'll do, but it's what you'll do always. I like that. And, and that minimum to fall back on keeps you from hitting a floor that's below sustainable. Yeah. And you're doing the same thing on the financial perspective like, there's a minimum of this is what our,

like short term savings is, like, there's minimums that you set for these things and on, in an operational environment, it can be harder to like discern, but what is the minimum, the minimum expectation, and then you guys can support each other in that. And when you've published it, when you first articulated it to yourself and you've committed to it and you've published it, Then you start to have the language of, like, hey, have you hit your minimums this week? Have you been on the Peloton? Because if not, I can hang out with Baker for another half hour so that you can go do that. I don't have a meeting that starts till nine. Like, you start to become agents for one another's choices and it feels so great to, like, work in that kind of a construct. Yeah,

Morgan Mason: that's such good advice. And something that he's, good at when I name it and did it yesterday, I was just feeling blah, you know, having one of days and he  why don't you you go take a nap for an hour? I'm gonna wake you up and then going to go work out. Mm-Hmm. like 30 minutes and

zero part of me wanted to do

it. Mm-Hmm. . But he was like, no, go do it. Mm-Hmm. . And I felt like

A different human afterwards.

Kyler Mason: all for me.

Tiffany Sauder: me. I was was like, you don't know what you need, but I know what you need. I have to hang out with you the rest of to go work out.

But that's so great, Like that's the best. Yeah. Version of I think a partnership is when you're like I can't I don't even know what I need I just want to eat M& M's and die like, let's not do that. Let's go do something productive. okay.

Advice for your kids when they're at this stage

Tiffany Sauder: So the question I put down is what advice will you give your kids when they're at this stage in their life?

Morgan Mason: I said in this season that we're in, utilizing your village.

Wells, I, for whatever reason, mom guilt, felt like I had to do everything on my own. And, like, even leaving, even when we did have a I would feel guilty

about it. And now, welcoming a kid,

that's not an option. Like, it's an all hands on deck situation. And so

I feel like we really have Utilize the grandparents, our sitter, the people in our lives. I mean, we had friends over on Saturday.

Everyone brought their kids and it was just like, it was so much fun just to have our friends love on our kids and take care of our kids. and they all loved it, even our that  don't have kids. Uh, so yeah, that would be my advice is,

just use that village.

Kyler Mason: that's a good one.this is probably over said, but just like getting really clear on roles, expectations, things like that. I feel like, um, we're doing a good job of that right now.

Words to describe your relationship right now

Kyler Mason: Um, one of the questions that you asked, but we didn't answer

It's two or three words to describe your relationship right now.

One of the words I wrote was just groove. Like I feel like we're doing pretty good, because things changed, like they changed with Baker. So now, like, the way that bedtime works, the way that mornings work, the way that dinner works, and cleanup, um, we had to shift that, so each season, or set of priorities, like, changes, roles, and responsibilities, so, recognizing that,

and then talking about it, and then asking, like, is it working, it's really important, so.Some of the things we just, like, kind of happened into, too. Like, as you started to put Baker to bed, I just knew like I'm gonna be doing cleanup. I used to cook and she used to clean. That does not happen anymore. She's, putting an infant down takes so long. So like I can clean up the whole kitchen and just be chilling and she's still putting Baker down.

So just yeah, getting clear on roles, making sure they're working. What words did

Morgan Mason: you use? I said, Safe. Because I, even through this crazy season of and downs and figuring out what our new normal is,

he just makes me feel so safe. And then I said growing, because

we are still growing and figuring out.  We're we're a pretty good job, now. Like, three months in. and then I feel really content with where we're at.

Tiffany Sauder: How awesome. Yeah. Mm hmm. Thanks for being my guinea pigs with us. Yeah, this was fun. Yeah. Thanks guys. Yeah.