Things we’re still learning after 18 years of marriage with J.R. Sauder

Tiffany Sauder:

Hey, it's Tiffany. If you've been listening to the show for a while, you know I'm feeling this pull away from social media and towards real connection. And that's exactly why I started my newsletter. It's a place for us to connect authentically without having to jump through algorithms. I usually share a little bit about what's going on in my life, my family, practical tips for two-career homes, and just generally things that are inspiring me. I'd love for you to join me so we can create this little online space and we can lean into all of the ands in our lives together. You could sign up at the link in our show notes. Enjoy this episode.

I'm a small town kid, born with a big city spirit. I choose to play a lot of awesome roles in life: mom, wife, entrepreneur, CEO, board member, investor and mentor. 17 years ago I founded a marketing consultancy and ever since, my husband JR and I have been building our careers and our family on the exact same timeline. Yep, that means four kids, three businesses, two careers, all building towards one life we love. When I discovered I could purposefully embrace all of these ands in my life, it unlocked my world, and I want that for you too. I'm Tiffany Sauder and this is Scared Confident.

I had JR jump on the podcast with us, also known as the hubs, and do kind of a check-in and a reflection. And this year I was actually really intentional. I had a list of eight questions that I printed out for both of us to answer independently. And then we compare notes, kind of like Newlyweds Game except 18 years in. Then talked about where had we grown, where do we want to see our relationship grow in the next year? And it was really special. Of all the metrics in my life, I think the one that I'm most proud of is the number of years JR and I have been married. And truly these last couple of years have been the best years of our marriage, not because they have been the simplest, but I think we just have a much more mature understanding of what being married is, about how we need to be there for each other, really specifically.

And we're really a team in this crazy stage of life and I'm really grateful for it, I'm really grateful for him, and I'm really grateful for just how real our love is right now. And we fought really hard for it. So if you are interested in doing a check-in with your spouse, we will provide a link to it in show notes to the questions that I use with JR. It provided a really rich conversation, and print it out before dinner and maybe you guys can use it as a date night. As a way to just set intention and really get to the next layer with one another. It's not just about exchanging logistics and, "Hey, how are you?" and, "What's in your day?" But really true intimacy comes from knowing each other's hearts. So hopefully this exercise can help you. And just making your marriage the very best it can be, it does not happen accidentally. And it was a cool conversation. So listen in as the hubs and I walk through the last year of our marriage. We are on with the hubs.

JR:

Back.

Tiffany Sauder:

Do you like being called the hubs?

JR:

Sure, yeah. Better than other names I could be called.

Tiffany Sauder:

Fair enough. Okay. So every year around our anniversary, we record an episode together. And I want to start by orienting listeners to just the change that's happened in the last 12 months for our family. I think change just creates an environment where, as the co-CEOs of the household, we have to figure out how we're going to navigate that together. How do you stay connected? Are we responding to it in the same way? All that kind of stuff. And then I put together a list of, I don't know, six, eight questions that JR and I both answered separately. Why are you smiling like that?

JR:

Well, I feel like, you know.

Tiffany Sauder:

You're noticing the top one.

JR:

No, I feel like it's like Family Feud for us.

Tiffany Sauder:

It is like Family Feud.

JR:

Where how many points you get for each correct answer.

Tiffany Sauder:

Well, I don't know if it's correct, but you like to have a chance to think about things.

JR:

I do.

Tiffany Sauder:

And so I gave you 12 minutes, which is an eternity in our shared reality. And we're going to go through our answers to these questions and see how aligned we are, misaligned, and we'll talk about that. I haven't seen your answers and you haven't seen mine, except they're right in front of you right now.

JR:

Haven't seen them.

Tiffany Sauder:

And I really appreciate you doing this. This is in the middle of the day. He drove over to my office to record this with me, and that is showing me an act of love and support for this project.

JR:

That's right.

Tiffany Sauder:

Thank you.

JR:

And we have good people around us to schedule it and block our schedules to make this happen.

Tiffany Sauder:

That's right.

JR:

So that helps.

Tiffany Sauder:

Thank you for doing that, babe. It makes me love you more.

JR:

Great.

Tiffany Sauder:

Okay, so let's talk about the changes in our lives. I made a list. Do you want to say the ones you can think of top of head, or do you want me to just go down what I have and then you can...

JR:

Yeah. Why don't you go down what you have and then I'll comment? Yep.

Tiffany Sauder:

Okay. Well, this is the first year that we've had no nannies in our house. Quincy goes to daycare, which is a change for us. We have a house manager now. And keeping things peacefully moving at home is a big part of my job. So that's been a change. We added travel volleyball for our second one, which has been a very new experience for me. You were very sporty, so I feel like you kind of knew what that was going to look like. And I was just like, doopty, doopty, doo. "What the hell?"

JR:

Right. Yeah. Definitely within my expectation of what was going to happen to calendars. Maybe outside of yours.

Tiffany Sauder:

I had no idea. So for like six months, we have a tournament 50% of the weekends, and we drive her to practice 30 minutes away three times a week. I was very grumpy about that at the beginning, but you told me to get my head out of my butt. And I have, I feel like I have a much better attitude.

JR:

Yeah.

Tiffany Sauder:

Do you think?

JR:

I do.

Tiffany Sauder:

Is that fair?

JR:

I do.

Tiffany Sauder:

Okay. So changes. No nanny. Quincy's in preschool, daycare. She's two, it's daycare. We added travel volleyball to an already very busy life, which has been an interesting change. I am home most days by three o'clock, which is a new change for our family, a new rhythm for sure. And then you've always traveled, but what percentage of the time would you say you travel?

JR:

First quarter has been a lot. It's been a lot this year in a way that's not normal. The fourth quarter I felt like I barely traveled. That was great. But this year has been extremely hectic.

Tiffany Sauder:

What percentage would you say?

JR:

For 2023?

Tiffany Sauder:

Yeah.

JR:

I bet I've been traveling 50%.

Tiffany Sauder:

That's what I was going to say too. It's a lot.

JR:

Yeah.

Tiffany Sauder:

So just, again, giving people context of what it looks like. But I would say you love your job. It gives you a lot of energy.

JR:

I get a lot of energy from my job and my role, and it's been very fulfilling over the past year.

Tiffany Sauder:

Solving really hard problems. People ask me how it's going, I'm like, "Going really well. His job is really hard, but that was kind of the point." I think you would be annoyed at this stage in your life not to have a job that was... In a way that you felt set up for success.

JR:

Yeah, exactly.

Tiffany Sauder:

Is that fair?

JR:

That's totally fair. Yeah.

Tiffany Sauder:

Any other changes that I missed?

JR:

I don't think so. I mean, my parents moved closer, so they're 15 minutes away from us now. Which can help with the travel volleyball and all that stuff. So that's helping, and a change.

Tiffany Sauder:

I think that's kind of the [inaudible 00:07:31] of things.

JR:

I think you recapped it well.

Tiffany Sauder:

So that's kind of where we're at. Okay, so now let's take stock. Let's go through some of these questions. So the first one I said is, scale of 1 to 10, where would you put our marriage right now? 10 is the best ever.

JR:

I said 7.

Tiffany Sauder:

I put 8. Why'd you say 7?

JR:

Pretty close.

Tiffany Sauder:

Yeah, it's pretty close. I don't know what the margin of error should be, but that's pretty close.

JR:

Yeah. It's a difficult time, with just so many things going on, travel schedules, all the rest, to feel as connected as you'd want for best ever 10 ranking. But there's nothing for me to say it's not good to really good, so 7.

Tiffany Sauder:

Okay. And I think I probably feel more connected to family and house and relationship because I'm home more right now. I think when you're the one away, it can-

JR:

Be tougher.

Tiffany Sauder:

Yeah. The fact that there's so much comings and goings, I think you probably feel even more than we do because we are less so. Okay. Two words that summarize how our marriage feels to you right now. What were your two words and then I'll share mine?

JR:

I had two that were separate but could also be put together, and I said chaotic, team.

Tiffany Sauder:

Tell me words about that.

JR:

Well, it's chaotic because, I mean, it's busy, it's our life. We're all over the place now. Kids are all over the place. And as much as we work to be organized and stay on task, it just seems like there's always changes to schedules, practices are at different places. I need to go somewhere and I have to be in Dallas, whatever, and 48 hours notice. So that just creates a level of chaos that I think we've... I don't know if we've embraced it, but we've accepted it. And I'm saying that for both of us. And then we have a two and a half year-old who is... People who listen to this maybe have had that person in their life in the past, this two and a half year-old, who's crazy.

Tiffany Sauder:

[inaudible 00:09:22] in their life.

JR:

Who is just crazy and is a tornado for most of the day. But then at the end can come up and just lay next to you and it's all fine. But it's a little chaotic, all over the place.

Tiffany Sauder:

What was the second one you picked, team?

JR:

Team. Because I do feel like we are solving together, and I think that's why the 7 or 8 rating. We do feel like we're connected and working to resolve and solve issues together. And for the most part I would say having success in the team. But whether it's on business, pursuits, family.

Tiffany Sauder:

So in your head, what percentage of the time would you say you feel like we're reacting to the day versus we are executing the plan for the day?

JR:

I'd say it's probably two-thirds we're executing the plan, one third is reacting. And I think that's improved over the past year. Last year I would've said that was probably less planned. I think part of that is your schedule, your flexibility has allowed for more preparedness. So I think that's been an improvement this year. The other side is I think just naturally with our week, we're probably really planned and scheduled Monday through Wednesday. And then you get to Thursday, Friday and we're both getting a little bit done. And dinner maybe gets off the rails or whatever. So I think two-thirds, one-third is probably where we are right now. What would you say?

Tiffany Sauder:

I don't know. Because I think you and I, part of what I've learned is the way we experience last-minute changes, I kind of don't notice it. It's like, "I don't know, did we change it, the plan?" I don't remember there was an original plan. And so I think we experience those pivots just very differently based on our natures.

JR:

Oh, yeah. And that's something we've had to talk about.

Tiffany Sauder:

An underlying part of our just maturity as a couple.

JR:

Right. I would say earlier in our marriage and relationship, you would say words out loud, and to me that that was set in stone, the plan. And you were just saying it. It wasn't a plan.

Tiffany Sauder:

That's right.

JR:

There maybe had or had not been any thought behind it, and it just was. So now I know, okay, are we really setting a plan or is Tiffany just saying, "This is what I would like to have happen in a dream world"?

Tiffany Sauder:

There's a lot less room for variability too now, because there's so many people in so many schedules and so much that has to happen.

JR:

That's true.

Tiffany Sauder:

Because I think a lot of change, I think you have a better pulse on it. The two-thirds, one-third is probably right. My body doesn't register it in the same way. So that's why I asked you that, how you would feel it. Because I don't know that I have a good answer.

JR:

What were your words?

Tiffany Sauder:

My words were mature and aware. So I feel like our ability for you to reintegrate into the family when you've been gone a lot, for me to go from single parenting to us co-parenting. I wasn't sure if you were going to be able to join us on spring break, so I was like, "This is what we're doing. We'd love for you to meet up with us. Anywhere from Monday to Friday would be great. We'd love to have you as much as we can."

I think that's just a maturity and me knowing where to be independent and where it's helpful, and how to just be more thoughtful about making space for you to come in and be the dad and be my husband. And sometimes you're not there. And so not that I'm the dad and the husband, but that's a chair I have to occupy in a different way when you're gone. And I think that we are more mature in... You're only home for three days and we need to have a hard conversation, and that cannot take up the whole space of the whole time. We can compartmentalize it. We did the thing, we got through it, and now we can move forward. I think that is a more mature process than it has been at other times in our relationship.

JR:

Yeah, I'd agree with that.

Tiffany Sauder:

So that's maturity. And I think the awareness, I think, like you said, we're really aware of the season we're at in life, really aware of the teamwork, the handoffs that are required. I think we're really aware of the communication that you and I need to have, like little touch ins during the day. Or if you land and have 15 minutes where you're waiting for an Uber, you'll call me and be like, "Hey, how are the girls?" And it has to just fit where it can. And I just think we have more awareness of that than we did in other seasons of our marriage. Is that fair?

JR:

Totally agree.

Tiffany Sauder:

Okay, third question. Our marriage has gotten better in the following ways in the past year. I said that I think we resolve things more quickly. And probably this is me, I think we hear each other better. I think it's probably me. I think I hear you more clearly. This is a very recent example where I think a younger version of me would've popped off and been annoyed. We just went and saw my sister and brother-in-law.

JR:

Yep.

Tiffany Sauder:

And we were having a conversation and I interrupted you, which you hate.

JR:

Not my favorite.

Tiffany Sauder:

You hate it. Your whole body wants to come and strangle my face off. I know you hate that. And I don't like it when I interrupt you. Sometimes I do, on accident. Really. I'm like, "Oh, I did it, I did it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I interrupted you. I know you're so annoyed." And I wish you could be like, "Babe, you're doing the thing. Stop interrupting me." But that's not your style.

JR:

Nope. It's not.

Tiffany Sauder:

Like a flash across his eyes of, "I want to murder you," for a second. And I'm like, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I interrupted you."

JR:

Metaphorically, not literally.

Tiffany Sauder:

Metaphorically, but you're so mad.

JR:

For context, we were having a very deep, important conversation with your sister. That's improved, the recognition.

Tiffany Sauder:

I'm so grateful that in that moment you'll say the words, "Stop interrupting me." A previous version of you would've just been like, "She's interrupting me and I hate that."

JR:

Yeah, that's true. I would've internalized it. I would have been pissed.

Tiffany Sauder:

And I would've, in another version of me, been like, "You hurt my feelings in the way that you said that. And so now I'm mad at you because of the way that you said it," instead of owning, "Oh my word, I'm so sorry, I totally interrupted you." That would be annoying. That's annoying about me. That was a way more mature interaction than that exact same thing playing out five years ago in our relationship.

So that's an example of me saying I think we resolved things more quickly and we hear each other. And we're like, "She's doing a thing." I'm like, "Oh, shit, I'm doing a thing." And I'm like, "Oh, he kind of wants to punch me. And I wish he could just think of it as funny, but he doesn't think it's funny. He doesn't think it's funny."

JR:

Right.

Tiffany Sauder:

And I know that about you. So that's what I wrote down. What did you write down?

JR:

This is great. No, this is great because actually we got this one correct if we're trying to compare answers here. Because I said we are much better at extending grace to each other. And so your example there, I think, in both scenarios, you extended grace to my cutting you off and be like, "Hey, trying to talk here." Us both being able to just get past it and then continue on with this conversation and having-

Tiffany Sauder:

It's not a thing.

JR:

Right. Have it not be a deal at all. It doesn't even last 15 seconds.

Tiffany Sauder:

No, totally. It's completely resolved and digested in the moment.

JR:

Right.

Tiffany Sauder:

That feels like really healthy progress.

JR:

And I wasn't even thinking of that specific example. I was thinking more with calendars. And I would say in this season of life, it's like 80% of the time it's me or my calendar. But yesterday there was a dinner that you had, wasn't on my calendar. And versus being like, "Ugh, this is annoying," to be like, "Okay, how can I resolve this?" Because I know four out of five times I'm the one asking for this. So let's think about what it can be.

Tiffany Sauder:

And I appreciate that because I may have thought to myself, "80% of the time he's asking me to move my stuff around." But I didn't say it and I didn't wear that judgment.

JR:

You didn't have to say it.

Tiffany Sauder:

Yeah. I appreciate you having awareness of that. So, anyway, we're getting so much better. Okay, number four. I hope we continue to make progress in these ways.

JR:

You hit on something earlier, just about effective communication even though we might have limited amount of time, we need to have a hard conversation. I think we've done a lot better job of giving each other a heads up about, "Hey, here's a topic. We need to talk about this. Let's either schedule time and be very specific and it's on the calendar, or make time Saturday afternoon to have this conversation." So I think we made strides in that direction. I think we can do even better. So that's what I put down.

Tiffany Sauder:

That's similar. I think not even to digest hard things, but I just wrote down intentional time and being creative with how that needs to look like in this life stage. I think we could do a better job of being like, "Let's go to the restaurant uptown and grab some mussels and a glass of wine." And I think just slipping out when we can. The girls are getting older. I think that's a muscle we forget that we can just go do.

JR:

Yeah, that's a new one for this year, where we felt we can leave even when maybe not everybody's asleep to have the older two watch.`

Tiffany Sauder:

Yeah.

JR:

Still new.

Tiffany Sauder:

Quincy's very specific about what she likes to have happen in her evening routine. We've created a monster. So I think that was similar.

JR:

Yeah.

Tiffany Sauder:

Yeah. Intentional time. Just to talk and laugh and understand more deeply what's going on in each other's worlds. I think that would be good. One thing I've learned about myself this year is...

JR:

All right. Well, I put, both for our relationship and for the kids as well, availability is oftentimes the most important ability. And I just remind myself of that. There are days when I want to just concentrate and get something done work-wise because I've got a trip coming up, whatever. But understanding that these relationships, you, the kids, are more important than any work relationship. And making sure that I'm available enough. And not just physically available. That's the big difference for me. I've got to be mentally available. Conversations as your kids get older change. That's kind of cliche. When you're driving them to practice before they get their license, they are willing to talk and you have 20 minutes, 30 minutes with them to really get a bunch of information from them, to them. So I think just recognizing that and not scheduling a call because I have drive time.

Tiffany Sauder:

Yeah, I think that's really good. And I think I've noticed, especially with the older girls, just the context you have, your life experiences, the role you play in their life is just different than the one I do. And you just can ask them different questions. You can relate to them in different ways. You can hold them accountable in a way that's less natural for me. And I think that that's a really important force in their life. And as they get older they'll seek that out once they leave the house and stuff if those pathways and expectations are formed now. I think it's really powerful. This, I guess, I kind of shift a little bit earlier in the way that our marriage has gotten better. I said one thing I've learned about myself this year is not responding so hard to your tone, but listening to the message. I'm as a high eye, seek your approval.

And so when I feel like you're being critical towards me, I can collapse in on myself. And I feel like I do a better job of not just letting the wave take me, but being like, "Is that really what he meant? Assume good intent, Tiffany. Is it really worth making a big thing out of this or was what he was saying true, you just didn't prefer the delivery? Fine." And I feel like I've just grown in my ability to discern where are you actually trying to be hurtful and where are you not trying to be hurtful, I'm just experiencing it that way because I'm looking for your approval, which is not really your job. So I feel like I've matured in that way and I've learned that about myself.

JR:

Yeah. That's good.

Tiffany Sauder:

I think especially when you're gone, I can be like, "I'm doing all the things." It's like, "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom to death." And I can become a bit of an empty bucket if I'm not careful. And I have to realize it's not your job to fill that.

JR:

Yeah. Oh well, I feel you still get mommed to death even when I'm there is my observation.

Tiffany Sauder:

[inaudible 00:21:35] have it. Yeah.

JR:

Especially from the younger ones.

Tiffany Sauder:

Yeah. "Can you ask Dad, please." You will even be closer to it.

JR:

Yeah. You're just better at cutting off the crust of peanut butter toast than I am, I guess.

Tiffany Sauder:

It's just my blessing in my life. Okay. One thing I feel like I've better learned about my spouse this year.

JR:

Go ahead.

Tiffany Sauder:

My turn to go first?

JR:

Yeah, sure.

Tiffany Sauder:

I said that realizing that home is where you need to rest. And I guess from my perspective what that looks like is I think it can be an easy thing to be like, "You've been gone. I've got this list of stuff that... You haven't been helping around here. Do this stuff." Or, "Can you please unpack your bag? Because I don't want to have to step over it." Or whatever the thing is. "Can you not put your jacket on the back of the chair?"

JR:

No. That's where it goes.

Tiffany Sauder:

Every time you walk into the house.

JR:

I was with you until you said that,

Tiffany Sauder:

Hypothetically speaking. Somehow everybody else can use the hanger in the house, but you cannot. We do love it when it's there because that's how we know you're home.

JR:

Yep. There we go.

Tiffany Sauder:

My grandma has said, my grandpa passed away and she said, "All the things that used to bug you, you miss those things when they're gone." So I do look at it and think to myself, I would miss it.

JR:

Yeah, you'd really hate it if that gray coat was not hanging over the chair.

Tiffany Sauder:

Hanging over the side of my chair. But I think the realization I have had seasons in my career that look like yours right now, which is you open your inbox and there's a thousand questions waiting for your answer. Every time you run into a meeting, they're looking for you to lead it or to approve something. Everything that's moving is depending on you moving it. Not that you don't have an amazing team around you, but as you guys are building this and you're onboarding people and you're setting the culture and all these things, there's a lot on you. And yeah, it's like, oh, it must be nice to be by yourself in all these cities. But it's also really exhausting to sleep in a hotel room and not have your own food and not sleep in your own bed and not be in a routine and be in lots of different time zones.

I get that that is super taxing. And I have tried to work hard to be like when you're home, not that you just sit on the TV and watch football or something, but that it's a space that you need to have space to rest. And not internally be annoyed, like, "He hasn't done anything around here," or just letting it, like, this is your house, this is your home. This is where you should be able to just fall asleep on the couch at 7:40 if you need to because it's just been a heck of a week. Which happens very rarely, but you get that idea.

JR:

Right. No, I appreciate that. Because you want home to feel that way too. That's where I want to be able to rest and feel comfortable. And I know you want to make it that way, not just me, but for the girls as well. It's a place that people want to be. I think we've improved also just in timing, where you'd say, "Hey, I really need your help on these four tasks this weekend," and you'll tell me that on Friday. So then it's "Okay, I know I need to help in these areas." I can verbalize, "I need to knock out these three things and I need your help on these three." So I have 10 items in my head that need to try to get done over the next two days. And rest might be part of it.

Tiffany Sauder:

Yeah. I think realizing that that looks different for you and I. And I've had to just respect that it looks different for you and I. Okay, you.

JR:

Okay. So one thing I've learned about my spouse this year, or learned better, is that making it fun still matters. And I think whether it was our trip to Puerto Rico or even just week to week, just trying to insert something that can either be spontaneous or just having fun or joking about either serious stuff or really random stuff. And just your appreciation for me in that way to try to keep certain things light and fun, that that matters and it's a way for us also to feel connected.

Tiffany Sauder:

I do love fun and laughter. It's so true. Yeah, it's very intuitive. Okay, last one. Advice I will definitely give my kids at this stage of their life. So what I'm imagining is we roll forward time and our kids are in their forties. They've got lots of kids, they're really busy, they're in the middle of their careers. It's a really big decade between 40 and 50. You're kind of executing against the decisions you made in your twenties and thirties. So what advice would you give our kids at this stage in their life?

JR:

Well, I said there's recognition that it is a selfless stage right now, but remember to be selfish at times for the important relationships to include your own self-care.

Tiffany Sauder:

Bananas. I wrote almost the exact same thing. I wrote, "Make time for your health and your spouse."

JR:

Yeah. I don't know if we both recognize this, just whether it's the travel volleyball side of it or friends workplace, church, whatever. It is a time of your life in your late thirties and forties where you just are selfless, I think. You can see marriages a lot of times get off the rails at this time too because nobody cares about you, whatever you're feeling. But making sure that you are taking the time for yourself and for those relationships is important. And you're not just an Uber driver running your kids all over the place, that there is some remembrance, I guess, of you and that you're pouring into your spouse and there's some reciprocation there.

Tiffany Sauder:

Well, I also think it's a very selfless season of life in the sense of there's a lot of things that need you. But I think we can fall into the trap of believing it's other people's jobs to make us feel good about ourselves, to make us feel whole, to make us feel worthy, to make us feel capable, to make us feel pretty. And that's not an outside job. It's an inside job. And if I'm really grumpy if you're gone, it's probably because I was a total idiot and turned on some stupid cooking show that I don't really care about and watched it till 11:40. And then couldn't get up to get my workout in, which that hour and a half in the morning of it being just me is really centering and important to me. And then I don't get that to happen. And then I'm kind of annoyed. And then I eat eight pieces of leftover pizza that are cold and I don't feel good or satisfied.

You know what I mean? That whole thing. And then you get home and I'm just pissed. And it's nothing anybody did, I just had really poor self-management. And I don't feel good inside and so I'm making everything around me a hot mess to match it. And I feel that so strong right now because it is a season of leading these young kids, of needing to be really good for our businesses, of needing to be really dependable for our teams, of wanting to be present for our parents and our siblings and our church. And still growing and having a sense of awareness about who we are individually, that if you aren't full, I think life drains you fast.

JR:

Yeah. And I think that's something I know you've talked on the podcast before about, but just being able to say no to opportunities that might come up, just because there's an opportunity cost to yourself or other relationships because of that. And you might feel selfish for saying no, but really you're not actually being all that selfish, I think is the argument.

Tiffany Sauder:

Yeah, I think that's totally right. Anything else you think we should talk about?

JR:

Well just some highlights from the past year. I think we've discussed before, we take our kids on a 10-year trip and we had one of those with our second daughter Ainsley this year. And that remains a highlight, life highlight, just to have that one-on-one time with her. And we've had it with Aubrey. So as I was reflecting back on the year, that stood out as a highlight. And it's also for us to have two-on-one with the kid, but then we're together too so I think it's just a great experience.

Tiffany Sauder:

That is a really good experience. We got to away together in November.

JR:

Yes.

Tiffany Sauder:

You and I to Puerto Rico. We have found that to be a very important habit for us. I think you'd like to do it two times a year, two or three, not quite quarterly, even if it's for a long weekend.

JR:

Right.

Tiffany Sauder:

And we are lucky in that we have healthy parents that can watch our kids and friends that we willingly lean on to help us as well. Those are definitely highlights of the year. And we take our family skiing every year too, which has been a fun way to play together, learn something new together. I'm grateful for this year. What is this, 18 years?

JR:

Yes, 18 years here in a week.

Tiffany Sauder:

This feels like a big number. Do you feel older?

JR:

I don't know. I guess just with a kid going high school next year, makes me feel older than any age or really anything else happening around. I think that specific life event makes me feel older.

Tiffany Sauder:

We are decidedly middle-aged, like if people look at us. In my head I'm not, but we are. We're just not the young ones anymore. But it's good. I like this stage in life. We've fought hard for our family and for us, and I'm grateful for another year.

JR:

Yeah, it's fun. Having fun.

Tiffany Sauder:

Is that a statement or a question?

JR:

Maybe a little both. But no, it's fun. We have it really well, really good. And yeah, we'll look forward to 19.

Tiffany Sauder:

Okay. It's good. Thank you, babe.

Thank you for joining me on another episode of Scared Confident. Until next time, keep telling fear, "You will not decide what happens in my life. I will." If you want to get the inside scoop, sign up for my newsletter. We decided to make content for you instead of social media algorithms. The link is waiting for you in show notes or you can head over to tiffanysauder.com. Thanks for listening.

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